SMS Mantra: Fun begins here

Turn NOTEPAD into a dairy!

2012-01-17T20:38:00.000-08:00

Here is a real cool tip for people who use notepad to write down any info on a day to day basis...
It simply serves as a virtual diary!

* Open a notepad and type .LOG (case sensitive) as the first line.

* Save and close the file.

* Double-click the file to open it and notice that Notepad appends the current date And time and places the cursor on the next line.

* Type your notes and then save and close the file.

Each time you open the file, Notepad repeats the process, Appending the time and date and placing the cursor below it.

Horoscope (Rashifal) 2012

2012-01-07T09:11:00.001-08:00

राशिफल 2012

मेष

इस साल आपका विवाह योग बन रहा है मगर ज़्यादा खुश होने की ज़रूरत नहीं है क्योंकि आप पहले से शादीशुदा हैं। गणेशा कहते हैं कि इस आफत के लिए आप खुद ज़िम्मेदार हैं। टाइमपास करने के चक्कर में ऑफिस में जिस लड़की से आपने फ्लर्ट करना शुरू किया था, उसे लेकर आप अब सीरियस होने लगे हैं। आपके प्यार में वो लड़की भी इतना आगे जा चुकी है कि आपका तलाक तक करवा सकती है वैसे भी वो घर उजाड़ने के मिशन पर निकली है।

जब-जब आप ऑफिस में होते हैं तो बीवी को धोखा देने के लिए मन में गिल्ट होता है मगर घर पहुंचते ही बीवी की कर्कश आवाज़ सुन, आप सोचते हैं कि ये यही डिज़र्व करती है।

बावजूद इसके गणेशा सलाह देंगे कि इन चक्करों में मत पड़िए। ये उम्र आपकी सैटिंग करने की नहीं, कन्यादान करने की है। ज़रा नज़र उठाकर देखिए, आपकी बेटी जवान हो गई है।

सलाह-पांच शनिवार छह कौओं को शहद चटाइए, इससे आपकी बीवी की कर्कशता चली जाएगी।

लाल रंग की गिलहरी को बूंदी का रायता खिलाएं

वृष

31 दिसम्बर की शाम पतले होने का जो resolution आपने लिया था, वो दो जनवरी की सुबह आलू के परांठे खाने के साथ टूट जाएगा। तीन जनवरी की शाम दोस्त के साथ टहलते हुए आप उसके कहने पर मोमो खा लेंगे। पहला मोमो मुंह मे लेते ही पतले होने का आपका resolution आपको धिक्कारेगा मगर उसे इग्नोर कर आप एक और प्लेट का ऑर्डर देंगे। दस जनवरी की शाम बीवी आपको बताएगी कि रनिंग के लिए आपने जो नया ट्रैक सूट खरीदा था, बिना एक बार भी पहने उसे चूहा काट गया है।

बीवी पर लापरवाही का इल्ज़ाम लगाते हुए आप उससे झगड़ा करेंगे, जिस पर बीवी के हाथों आपकी उन स्पोर्ट्स शूज़ से पिटाई हो जाएगी जिन्हें आपने ट्रेक सूट के साथ खरीदा था।

सलाह-किसी गरीब आदमी को रा वन और रामगोपाल वर्मा की आग की डीवीडी भेंट करें, उसे देखने के बाद वो आपको इतनी बद्दुआएँ देगा कि आप खुद-ब-खुद पतले हो जाएँगे।

मिथुन

बाकी सालों की तरह इस साल भी आप कुछ ख़ास नहीं उखाड़ पाएंगे। ऑफिस में आपको बॉस से डांट खानी पड़ेगी और घर पर बीवी से। न तो रिश्तेदार आपको भाव देंगे और न ही मांगने पर बच्चे पानी का गिलास। जून आते-आते आपका पालतू कुत्ता भी आपको देखकर पूंछ हिलाना बंद कर देगा। इस सबसे तंग आकर आप आत्महत्या करना चाहेंगे और जान देने के लिए एक दिन टीवी पर‘मौसम’ की डीवीडी लगाएंगे। मगर प्रिंट ख़राब होने के कारण वो चल नहीं पाएगी। गुस्से में आप अपने हाथ की बनी चाय पिएंगे मगर उससे भी आप मरेंगे नहीं बस मुंह से झाग निकलने के बाद बेहोश होंगे।

सलाह-सात मंगलवार किसी लाल गिलहरी को बूंदी वाला रायता खिलाएं, लाभ मिलेगा।

कर्क

पिछले साल की तरह ये साल भी आप फेसबुक पर बैठ कर बर्बाद कर देंगे। दूसरों की वॉल से अच्छे-अच्छे स्टेटस चोरी करने, उन स्टेटस पर आने वाले लाइक का घंटों इंतज़ार करने, हर फोटो में दोस्तों को टैग करने, स्कूल में साथ पढ़ी लड़कियों के प्रोफाइल ढूंढने और एक्सेप्ट न किए जाने की उम्मीद के बावजूद उन्हें फ्रेंड रिक्वेस्ट भेजने में आप अपनी ज़िंदगी का एक और साल तबाह कर देंगे।

फेसबुक पर बैठे रहने के चक्कर में आप पूरी सर्दी बिना नहाए गुज़ार देंगे। इसी चक्कर में मां-बाप से गालियां खाएंगे मगर आप इतने ढीठ हो चुके हैं कि इन गालियों का आप पर कोई फर्क नहीं पड़ेगा। सारी गालियां एक कान से होते हुए बिना दिमाग में घुसे दूसरे कान से चुपचाप निकल जाएंगी।

सलाह-आप जैसे ढीठ आदमी को सलाह देने का कोई फायदा नहीं है।

सिंह

नौकरीपेशा लोगों के लिए ये साल काफी फलदायक रहेगा। सरकारी नौकरी में हैं तो दो नम्बर का पैसा बनाने का अच्छा मौका मिलेगा। प्राइवेट में हैं तो बॉस की लगातार चमचागिरी करने के चलते आपकी भारी तरक्की होगी। आपकी सैलरी बाकी लोगों से ज़्यादा बढ़ाई जाएगी। आपको ऐसे काम में लगाया जाएगा जिसके लिए न्यूनतम बुद्धि की आवश्यकता होगी। आपका काम बाकी लोगों की बॉस से चुगली करना है और वो आप पूरी ईमानदारी से करते रहें।

गणेशा सलाह देते हैं कि जून के बाद आप थोड़ा सतर्क हो जाएं क्योंकि इस दौरान बॉस का एक और सिफारिशी टट्टू ऑफिस में ज्वॉइन करेगा। तब आपको नए सिरे से खुद को प्रूव करना होगा। मगर घबराएं नहीं, खुद पर विश्वास रखें। हर आदमी के पास गिफ्टिड टेलेंट होता है। बॉस के सामने दूसरों की चुगली करने के लिए नए आदमी को एफर्ट करना होगा जबकि ऐसा करने का आपमें पैदाइशी गुण है।

सलाह- ‘लगाई-बुझाई’ की अपनी प्रतिभा को निखारने के लिए रोज़ाना तीन हिंदी सीरियल देखें।

कन्या

आपकी राशि भले ही कन्या हो मगर आपकी ज़िंदगी में कोई कन्या आती दिखाई नहीं दे रही। मगर इसमें किसी का कोई कसूर नहीं है, सिवाए आपके। करियर सेट करने की उम्र में आप लड़कियां सेट करते रहे और जब बारी लड़की सेट करने की आई तो आप करियर सेट करने में लगे हैं। आपकी अरेंज मैरिज हो सके ऐसी आपकी इमेज नहीं है और आप लव मैरिज कर सकें, ऐसी आपकी शक्ल नहीं। गणेशा कहते हैं कि ये स्थिति अभी कुछ और वक्त तक बनी रहेगी और 2017 के बाद जाकर आपका विवाह होगा मगर तब भी कन्या मनुष्य जाति से होगी या नहीं, इसकी गारंटी गणेशा नहीं लेते।

सलाह-इक्कीस सोमवार सुबह-शाम खुद को दस-दस थप्पड़ लगाएं, इससे उन लड़कियों के मन को शांति मिलेगी जो कभी आपको पीटना चाहती थीं।

तुला

वक्त आ गया है कि तुला राशि वाले अपनेआप को लेकर ग़लतफहमी पालना बंद कर दें और थोड़ा व्यावहारिक हो जाएं। सिर्फ आपके ये मानने से कि मैं बहुत होशियार हूं और ज़िंदगी में बहुत अच्छा डिज़र्व करता हूं, दुनिया को घंटा फर्क नहीं पड़ता। टीवी डिस्कशन्स में आने वाले गेस्ट को मूर्ख मानने से आप खुद होशियार नहीं हो जाते। दसवीं पास दोस्तों को अपने अल्पज्ञान से आतंकित करने से कुछ पल्ले नहीं पड़ने वाला। अब भी वक्त है, संभल जाइए। आपके दोस्तों के दो-दो बच्चे हो गए और आपकी अभी शादी तक नहीं हुई, ये बात अलग है कि बच्चे आपके भी दो हो चुके हैं जिनमें से एक की तो खुद आपको भी जानकारी नहीं है।

सलाह- खुद के कमाए पैसों से एक अंडरवियर खरीदने बाज़ार जाएं, अपनेआप अक्ल ठिकाने आ जाएगी।

दही में तीन चम्मच चाय पत्ती मिलाकर पंडित जी को पिलाएँ

वृश्चिक

वृश्चिक राशि वालों का इस साल भाग्य खूब साथ देगा। खरीदारी करने बाज़ार जाएंगे तो सेल में कुछ सस्ते स्वेटर मिल जाएंगे, बुक करवाने के दो दिन बाद सिलेंडर की डिलिवरी हो जाएगी, फुटपाथ से खरीदी पाइरेटिड सीडी का प्रिंट अच्छा निकलेगा, आटे की थैली में साबुनदानी का मुफ्त स्टैंड निकलेगा, जिस गाड़ी में सफर करेंगे उसमें सुंदर लड़कियां दिखेंगी, पड़ौसी मंगलू के दसवीं में अच्छे नम्बर आएंगे, उसकी बुआ की लड़की अपने मायके से आपके लिए नया पजामा लाएगी और और तो और आपकी भैंस माया भी इस साल बाकी सालों के मुकाबले ज़्यादा दूध देगी।

सलाह-अपनी गली के आठ आवारा कुत्तों की नसबंदी करवाएं, इससे आपका भाग्य और चमकेगा।

धनु

धनु राशि वालों की किस्मत इस साल बिलुकल साथ नहीं देगी। ऑफिस जाने की जल्दी होगी तो रास्ते में स्कूटर पंचर हो जाएगा,मेहमान आए होंगे तो सिलेंडर ख़त्म हो जाएगा, ज़रूरत पड़ेगी तो नेट काम नहीं करेगा, बीवी बीमार होगी तो कामवाली छुट्टी ले लेगी, सहवाग की बैटिंग के वक्त लाइट चली जाएगी, लाइट आने पर मिमोह चक्रवर्ती की फिल्म चल रही होगी और तो और जब-जब चाय में डुबोकर खाने के लिए ग्लूकोज़ का बिस्किट उसके अंदर डालेंगे, वो उसी में डूब जाएगा!

सलाह- बिस्किट चाय में न डूबे इसके लिए ज़रूरी है कि उसे लाइफ जैकेट पहनाएं।

मकर

टीवी देखने के लिहाज़ से ये साल महिलाओं के लिए काफी अच्छा है। मार्च के आसपास आप सोनी टीवी पर दो नए सीरियल देखने शुरू करेंगी और अपनी दृढ़ इच्छाशक्ति के दम पर बिना नागा उसे पूरा साल देखेंगी। इस दौरान रिमोट के लिए कई दफा आपका अपने पति से झगड़ा होगा मगर सीरियल्स की साजिश रचने वाली बहुओं की तरह आप भी हार नहीं मानेंगी।

वहीं दूसरी ओर रिएलिटी शोज़ के हिसाब से ये साल आपके लिए उतना अच्छा नहीं है। आप जिस-जिस कंटेस्टेंट को सपोर्ट करेंगी वो फाइनल तक तो पहुंचेगा मगर जीत नहीं पाएगा जिसे लेकर आपको भारी दुख होगा। रात-रात भर कमरा बंद कर फूल की कढ़ाई वाला तकिया मुंह में ले रोएंगी और हो सकता है इस बीच डिप्रेशन की शिकार भी हो जाएं।

सलाह- पति के सोते ही उसके मोबाइल से अपने चहेते प्रतिभागी को ढेरों वोट करें। इससे पति भले ही डेंजर ज़ोन में चला जाए,मगर आपका पसंदीदा गवैया बच जाएगा।

कुंभ

कुंभ राशि वाले अपना ये साल पंडितों के चक्कर में बर्बाद कर देंगे। आपके लिए ये समझना बहुत ज़रूरी है कि अगर आपकी ज़िंदगी में कुछ नया नहीं हो रहा तो उसकी वजह आपकी ख़राब किस्मत नहीं, आपका आलस हैं। ऑफिस से घर आने के बाद आपका सारा दिन पड़े रहने में बीतता है और यही वजह है कि आप दस साल से एक ही ऑफिस में पड़े हुए हैं। आपके पड़े-पड़े आपके बच्चे बड़े हो गए मगर आप अपने करियर में कहीं नहीं बढ़े। गणेशा सलाह देते हैं कि यूं दिनभर भेजे के कुकर में ख्याली पुलाव पकाते रहने और बॉस के घर की महिला सदस्यों को याद कर उसे गाली देने का कोई फायदा नहीं है।

लिहाज़ा बिना कुछ किए हालात सुधरने की उम्मीद में चार अख़बारों में राशियां पढ़ने और हाथ की अंगुलियों से लेकर पैर के अंगूठे तक में अंगूठियां पहनने के बजाए रजाई से निकलिए…गैस पर पानी गर्म कर नहाइए, नहीं नहाना तो मुंह-हाथ ही धोइए और स्कूटर स्टार्ट कर कहीं बाहर जाइए।

सलाह- एक पाव दही में तीन चम्मच चाय पत्ती डालने के साथ उसमें रात की बची एक कटोरी दाल डालिए और इसमें आधा गिलास फिनाइल मिक्स कर, उस पंडित को पिलाइए जो खुद आपको अब तक ऐसे उल्टे-सीधे उपाय बताता आ रहा था।

मीन

जहां तक बारगेनिंग या मोलभाव का सवाल है, मीन राशि की महिलाओं के लिए ये साल काफी शुभ हैं। दुकान से सूट का कपड़ा खरीदने से लेकर गली में सब्ज़ी वाले से लड़-झगड़कर पैसे कम करवाने में आपको व्यापक सफलता मिलेगी। आपकी ख्याति मौहल्ले में ही नहीं, देशभर में फैलेगी। और तो और अंतर्राष्ट्रीय स्तर पर हथियार खरीदते समय भारत सरकार दूसरे देशों से मोलभाव के लिए आपको बुलावा भेजेगी। फ्रांस जैसे देशों से मिसाइल खरीद के समय आप ये कहते हुए रेट कम करवाएंगी…जाओ भइया जाओ…पचास में पीछे जापान वाले दे ही रहे थे या फिर ‘हम तो हमेशा आप ही के यहां से खरीदते हैं’, कहकर उन्हें इमोशनली ब्लैकमेल करेंगी।

सलाह- कॉलेज में आप भाव खाती रही हैं और अब मोलभाव कर रही हैं। हमारी गुज़ारिश है कि यही हाव-भाव बनाए रखें।

Santa Banta

2012-01-04T07:11:00.001-08:00

Steve Jobs' last words: "Dear Santa & Banta, please note that iPill is not our product and iPad is not a sanitary napkin!"

Ganesh Chaturthi SMS | Ganpati SMS | Bal Ganesha Messages

2011-10-14T10:18:00.001-07:00

May Lord Ganesh shower you with succss in all your Endeavours

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi.

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Gajanana Shri Ganaraya aadi vandu tujha Moraya

Ganpati Bappa Morya!Mangal Murti Morya

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi.

——————————————————–

I wish u Happy Ganesh Chaturthi and

I pray to God for your prosperous life.

May you find all the delights of life,

May your all dreams come true.

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Gajanana Shri Ganaraya aadi vandu tujha Moraya

Ganpati Bappa Morya!Mangal Murti Morya

JAY GANESH..Mangal murti morya

Jay ganesh devaGanapati bappa moray

Happy Ganesh Chaturthy!!!

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Ganesh ki jyoti se noor miltahai

Sbke dilon ko surur milta hai,

Jobhi jaata hai ganesha ke dwaar,

Kuch na kuch zarror milta hai

Jai Shri Ganesha

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Hoping this ganesh chatrurthi

Will be the start of year that

Brings happiness for you.

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi!

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This, is a special time when family

And friends get together, for fun.

Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days,

In this festive season of GANESHA PUJA and always!

“Happy Ganesh Puja”

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Aapka sukh gabesh ke peth jitna bda ho,

Aapka dukh undar jesa chota ho,

Aapki life ganeshji ke sund jitni badi ho,

Aapke bol modak jaise mithe ho

BOLO GANPATI BAPPA MORAIYAA!!!

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I wish u Happy Ganesh Chaturthi and

I pray to God for your prosperous life.

May you find all the delights of life,

May your all dreams come true.

“Happy Ganesh Chaturthi”

——————————————————–

Mushikavaahana modaka hastha,

Chaamara karna vilambitha sutra,

Vaamana rupa maheshwara putra,

Vighna vinaayaka paada namasthe

Happy Ganesh Chaturthy!!!

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Intha iniya pon naalil

Vinayagar ungalukum ungul kudumpatirukum

Ella arulaiyum puriyatum

Iniya Vinayagar Chaturthi vazthukal!

Jay Shri Siddhi Vinayaka

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Wishing you happiness as big as Ganesh’s appetite

life is long as his trunk

trouble as small as his mouse

and moments as sweet as his laddus

Sending you wishes on Ganesh Chaturthi!

——————————————————–

Aate bade dhoom se ganpati ji,

jaate bade dhoom se ganpati ji,

aakhir sabse pahale aakar,

hamare dilon me bas jate ganpati ji.

Happy Ganesh Chaturthy!!!

——————————————————–

May Lord Ganapathi shower you with success in all your endeavors? Happy Ganesh Chaturthy.

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At ganesh chatruthi hoping this Ganesh chatruthi will be the start of year that brings the happiness ganesh chaturthi. Jay Shri Ganesh!!

——————————————————–

I heartily wish Lord Ganesha filled your home with prosperity and fortune. Best wishes on Ganesh Chatrurthi!

——————————————————–

Ek Do Teen Char

Ganapathi Ki Jay Jay Kaar

Paanch Chai Saat Aaath

Ganapati Hai Sabke saath

Happy Ganesh Chaturthi

——————————————————–

Ganesh ki jyoti se noor milta hai

sabke dilon ko surur milta hai

jobhi jaata hai Ganesh ke dwaar

kuch na kuch zarror milta hai

JAI GANESH!

——————————————————–

GANPATI BAPA MORIYA

AADHA LADDU CHORIYA

AGLE BARAS TU JALDI AA

HAPPY Shri Ganesh

——————————————————–

May the Lord vigna vighna vinayaka

remove all obstacles and shower you with gifts

Jai Shri Siddhi Vinayaka Ganesha

——————————————————–

Hoping that this Ganesh chatruthi will be

the start of year that brings the happiness

that lord Ganesh fills your home with prosperity & fortune

Best wishes on ganesh chatrurthi

——————————————————–

May GANAPATHI shower you with succss in all that you do

Happy Ganesh chaturthy.

——————————————————–

Deva o Deva

Ganpati Deva

Tumse Bad Kar Kaun

Aur Tumhare Bhakt Jano mein

Sabse jyada sms Karta Kaun

Tum bhi ban sakte ho Sabse Jyada sms bhakt

Forward this message to all your friends

and say – Happy Ganesh Chaturthi

——————————————————–

I wish u HAPPY GANESH PUJA and pray to God for

your prosperous life

May you find all the love of life

may ur all dreams come true.

RIP Steve P Jobs | Apple an iCon | Tribute to iJobs

2011-10-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

· ‎"iCame, iSaw, iConquered, iLeft, iCameBack, iMac, iPod, iTunes, iPhone, iPad, iCloud, iQuit "- World has Lost a visionary and Creative genius- RIP Steve Paul Jobs
· Someone had said long back..An Apple a day keeps a doctor away...The one man who dared to change this was Steve Jobs...even doctors themselves keep an Apple these days !!
· ‎3 apples changed the world. 1st which Eve made Adam eat, 2nd which fell on Newton's head and 3rd which Steve Jobs gave to us. R.I.P
· If we wish RIP to Steve..in my viewpoint it would be injustice to the creative genius...I would rather wish him RIA - Remain In Action...you never know we may get another fruit glorified !!!
· iSad for Mr Steve Jobs!!!
· Two cancer cells are sitting on a corner, one says to the other "I am so tired of being poor". The other says, "Yeah me too, lets get Jobs".
· God wants the first iPhone 5. R.I.P Steve..
· The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. - Steve Jobs
· Tweet by Jim Carrey: "Steve Jobs was an amazing man. He will live in my hard drive forever! ?;^}

Random Musings

2011-09-26T22:13:00.000-07:00

Tourism Tag lines of some countries.........

Thailand: Amazing Thailand!

India: Incredible India!

Malaysia: Truly Asia!

What's Pakistan's Tourism tag line?

Have a Blast, Till You Last! ;-)

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Playboy upgrades US rating to XXX for single handedly screwing world markets

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There's a small gap between confidence and over-confidence. You can kiss your girlfriend is Confidence. Only you can kiss your girlfriend is Over-Confidence.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Discovered am allergic to peanuts, I break into a rash every time I get my paycheck :'(

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I feel cheated, my doctor said he'll 'treat' me but the bugger charged me 400 bucks for every visit >:(

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Man: I want a divorce. My wife hasn`t spoken to me in six months.

Lawyer: Better think it over. Wives like that are hard to get!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Women fall in love by what they hear. Men fall in love by what they see. that's why women wear make up. that's why men lie.

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Gabbar : Ab tera kya hoga Kalia.

Kalia : Sardar mene aapka namak khaya he

Gabbar : Aur jo Dal,

Chawal,

sabji,

Daru,

Chicken Tanduri

aur

chhamian ka naach

Uska hisab kya tera baap dega

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

waqt ne humien barbaad kiya....ab hum khaali baith ke waqt ko barbaad kar denge

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Women like silent men. They think they're listening."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One's first love is always perfect until one meets one's second love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Its so Simple to be Happy, but its so Difficult to be Simple

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Save the Girl Child, Else Ur Son Will Be Forced To Be "the GAY Child"...!"

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An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick our own *** too easily!

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it takes three seconds to say i love you, three hours trying to explain it, and it takes a whole life time to prove it

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There are a few people I know whose birth certificates should be considered an apology letter to the world!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The best transition: Real Eyes--->Realize--->Real Lies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chai k Liye jaise Toast hota hai, Waise har ek BOSS zaruri hota hai. Koi friday evening review par bulaye Koi saturday ko office bulaye Aur Ek teri idea ko apna bataye, Koi gentle, koi bura hota hai, Par har ek BOSS zaruri hota hai. Ek ghadi ghadi review kare par kabhi kabhi advice de Ek kabhi kabhi review kare aur ghadi ghadi advice de Koi Gyan ka ghoomta phirta satellite, Koi din raat rakhe team ko tight; Koi welcomed hai, koi forced hota hai Par har ek BOSS zaruri hota hai :)

boss zaruri kyun hota hai?? kyunki na hi hum apni peeth thapthapa sakte hai aur na hi apni g**** pe laat maar sakte hai. isliye boss zaruri hota hai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unbeaten thought ever.......!!!

"Take watever u can frm ur life.....bcoz.....when life starts taking from u....

it takes even ur last breath..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Facebook | Google Plus | Twitter | LinkedIn | Social Networking SMS | Messages

2011-09-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

FACTS ABOUT FACEBOOK MESSAGES

Behind evry gr8 STATUS... there is ctrl+c & ctrl+v... ;

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Differences between social networks:

Twitter: I'm peeing right now.

Facebook: I just peed.

Foursquare: I'm peeing here. / You just became the mayor of the toilet.

YouTube: Watch this pee!

LinkedIn: I am good at peeing

G+: I control who watches this Pee

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GIRLS status on fb - : (

Comments :

1 .Haww! Kya hua?

2 .Hey,evryt hing ok ? Shud i call ?

3 .Hey,dnt b sad . Tell me wat hppned ?

4 .Evrythng's gonna be ok baby, chill.

BOYS status on fb - :(

Comments :

1 .Rota hi rahio zindagi bhar kutte

2 .Kya hua kamine

3 .Haramkhor Dukhi aatma.

4 .Zindagi barbaad hai teri saale . :D

BOYS ROXXXXXX !!! :D :

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This is called Internet Age -

One friend says to another - "I have Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, MSN Messenger, Skype and Twitter."

2nd Friend: "Dude, do you have a life?"

1st Friend: "OMG! No! Send me the link!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A boy's fb status:

i m online during class.. hahahah

cmnt frm his tchr:

beta tst me 0 mila h ,,,aake dekhega ya fir tag karu,,,, ????

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Height of Tension: Obama updated his status on Facebook "Osama is dead, justice has been done". He got a notification: Osama Bin Laden likes your status .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New corralory of Parkinson's Law:

"Facebook increases the workload of people on their birthdays."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dadi marte hue boli - "Main apna farm, 6 tractor 50 janwar & 22389630 cash tumhARE naam karti hoon"

Pota- "Ye sab kahan hai dadi?"

Dadi- Farmville mein

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Facebook Fever:

Once a guy updated his status "I am gonna sleep on terrace tonight :)"

After sometime

17 mosquitoes liked his status!!

Famous Rajini Jokes | Rajnikant | Rajini SMS

2011-09-16T04:18:00.000-07:00

Recently China airports were closed due to heavy fog, later it was discovered that Rajnikant was smoking in India!
Government of India pays tax to Rajnikant for living in India!
Definition of Solar Eclipse: When Rajnikant stares at Sun with anger, sun hides behind the moon. This phenomena is called solar eclipse
Why do Earthquakes occur? Because at that time Rajnikant's mobile is on vibration mode
Rajnikanths next project. Titanic in Tamil. Climax revised. Both survive. Rajnikant swims across the Atlantic Ocean with heroine in one hand and… Titanic in the other.
Rajni will be the star lead in the remake of the movie '300'. It will now be called '1'
Once upon a time, while playing, Rajnikanth said "statue" to a girl... Now that statue is known as "Statue of Liberty"!
When Rajanikanth looks in a mirror it shatters, because the mirror is not stupid enough to get in between the two Rajanikanths
If you say "no one's perfect", Rajanikanth takes it as a personal insult.
Rajnikant doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is!!
Rajinikanth kills Harry Potter in the ninth book.
Rajanikanth can delete the Recycling Bin.
If you Google search 'Rajnikant getting kicked', you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.
If you spell Rajanikanth wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Rajanikanth?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Rajinikanth knows what women really want.
Rajinikanth can answer a missed call.
Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes.
Great mystery solved : the missing piece of apple in Apple's Logo was eaten by Rajnikant!!
The world is not ending in 2012…. Rajnikant just bought a laptop with 3 yrs warranty!!*
When Rajinikanth shows you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Wanted revised: Salman - Ek baar jo maine commitment kar di uske baad main sirf rajnikanth ki hi sunta hu.
Rajinikanth once taught a child, How to Play Counter Strike. Now that child is known as Osama Bin Laden!
Superman once got into a fight with Rajnikanth. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
Why did obama came to india? To receive the payment of nasa's rocket he sold to RAJNIKANTH for diwali.
Now, there's a new email ID. It's gmail@rajinikanth.com
Hrithik tried 2 compete with rajni in dance.. result..he is on a wheel chair in guzaarish.
Rajani can find corner in a circle.
Rajinikanth can make onions cry.
One day Rajinikanth kicked a stone in the beach and it is now called 'Srilanka'.
Once rajnikant was really angry at the clouds, the next second it started raining!!
Myth Busted: For long the World has believed that the magnetic needle in a compass always points in North. The truth is it always points in the direction Rajinikanth is looking.
Rajinikanth once warned a young girl to be good "or else". The result? Mother Teresa.
Paul the octopus predicted rajinikanth's death and the octopus died.
The toilet flushes on its own whenever Rajnikanth forgot to do so.
Rajnikanth tried to commit suicide, but failed… even Rajnikanth cannot kill Rajnikanth.
Rajinikanth is waiting for his next deserving student, after Aryabhatta (400 BC), to teach him what comes before 0.
What do you get when you add 2 and 3? Answer - 5 (But only if Rajinikanth is in a good mood and allows it to be!)
Rajnikanth told Shakespeare the story of Romeo and Juliet.
In olden times a boy went to Nepal and made mountains of snow. Today the boy is called Rajnikanth and the mountains are known as the Himalayas.
All The fast bikes from yamaha company R1, R15, R6, Rx 100 ,Rx 125, Rx 135, Rd, Rxz.. R stands for RAJNIKANTH.
Once Rajnikanth lost his wallet. As a result the world faced global recession.
When Rajnikanth is asked to kill some one he doesn't know, he shoots the bullet and directs it the day he finds out.
Rajnikanth can swim in a drop of water.
Archimedes shouted eureka when he found Rajnikanth's diary!!
Once rajnikanth bought 2 horses , 2 elephants , & 2 camels.. why? for playing chess....!
Archaeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim as" "one who has encountered Rajinikant".
Ek baar Rajinikanth ne ek Mote aadmi ko joke bola.... Since then that man is known as Laughing Buddha...

Anna Movement Messages | Latest Updated Messages

2011-08-25T21:46:00.001-07:00

Madhav Srimohan

एक चौधरी था, उसे गाँव के पंद्रह-बीस लोगों के साथ दिल्ली जाना था. उसने एक टिकट ली और चल दिया सबके साथ ट्रेन में. दिल्ली रेलवे स्टेशन पहुंचा तो टिकट चैकर के सामने जाके आँख से आँख मिलाई और दौड़ लगा दी. चौधरी आगे-आगे और TC पीछे-पीछे.. एक पटरी पार की.. दूसरी की.. फिर चौधरी रुक गया. TC ने आके उसे पकड़ लिया और बोला- टिकट दिखा.?? चौधरी ने टिकट निकाल के दिखा दी. TC ने पूछा- जब टिकट थी तो भागा क्यूँ..?? चौधरी- वो बीस लोग भी तो पार करवाने थे. हा.. हा.. हा.. हा.. हा.

निष्कर्ष- ये चौधरी साहब तो हैं- हमारे सरदार मनमोहन सिंह जो ईमानदारी की टिकट लेके सारा प्रपंच रच रहे हैं. और बीस लोग हैं- कांग्रेस के भ्रष्ट मंत्री जो करोड़ो के घोटाले करके पार हो गए हैं. अब नए TC आये हैं श्री अन्ना हजारे जी अपने संगठन के साथ जिनकी कोशिश है कि ये सारे बिना टिकट वाले धरे जाए. आओ, सब मिलकर उनका सहयोग करे, जी जान लगा दें, उनके इस आन्दोलन में.

वन्दे मातरम्.!!

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Chor-Chor mausere bhai,
Ho Congressee ya Bhajpayee,
'Khayenge Kaise' ye soch ke,
koi sarkaar lokpal bill nahi laayi,
Fir Team Anna ne aisi alakh jagayi,
...sab netaon ko naani yaad karaayi,
Hui meetings bahut aur hue vichaar-vimarsh,
Par aam-raai koi ban nahi paayi,
Na ruko, na thako anna, sab hai tumhaare saath,
Ho Hindu Muslim Sikh ya ho Isaai.

We are with you Anna :-)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

‎5 Mgmt lessons from Anna & Govt:
1. Every case should have different strategy (Ramdev & Anna)
2. Homework is must (Manish Tiwari)
3. One wrong decision can put ur foot in your mouth.(Indian Govt.)
4. You should have someone to blame for ur mistakes.(Kapil Sibbal)
5. Last but not the least:
Ahinsa is still powerful even after 100 years (Boss hope u got it)

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Teacher : Where is the capital of India? Student : In Swiss Bank!

ANNA KI AANDHI | Anna Hazare Movement Messages | Anna SMS | Janlokpal SMS

2011-08-23T00:49:00.000-07:00

Please add more messages in the comments section:

"Kab Tak Karoge Ghar Baithkar Zikr Anna Ka..

Sadko Pe Utro Yaaron gar hai Fikr Anna Ka"

Dear Frnz,

if all black money vl cum bck 2 india dn

beer- Rs 8

vodka- Rs 20

whiskey- Rs 35

soda- Rs 1.25

atleast now support anna hazare

Why did the govt. did away with 25 paisa coin?
Bcoz they couldn't handle 1 Anna, how could they manage 4 Anna.

If "Pro" is the opposite of "Con", then what is the opposite of "PRO-GRESS".
You got it right, it will be "CON-GRESS" ... !

Interesting Message in a cinema theatre - "Pl keep your mobile phones in MANMOHAN SINGH Mode"

Dentist to PM Manmohan Singh: kam se kam mere clinic par to apna muh kholiye!

Indian Criket team supports Anna Hazare...
"We will not win a single match, untill the Jan Lokpal bill is passed

Anna Hazare | India Against Corruption

2011-08-18T02:01:00.001-07:00

I wonder how lunchtime would be in Tihar. Raja, Kalmadi & Kanimojhi filling their plates while they watch Anna fasting because of them !!!

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Anna and Kalmadi shared the cell in Tihar. Anna for right bill and Kalmadi for inflated bill

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Har berbaad Manmohan ke peeche kisi na kisi Sonia ka haath hota hai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once Kapil Sibbal,
Digvijay Singh &
Chidambaram were travelling in a helicopter,

Sibbal drops a 100 Rs Note & says,
......"I made one poor Indian happy"

Singh drops two 50 Rs Notes and says,
"I made two poor Indians happy!"

Chiddu drops 100 ONE Rupee coins and says,
"I made 100 poor indians happy!"

Hearing this the PILOT laughs & says-
"I will drop down All 3 of you and make '125 CRORE Indians' Forever Happy...!"

Pilot was Anna Hazare
Support him..!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jailer to KASAB: Why r u happy ?
Kasab : I m nt indian .. I hate india .. I killed many Indians .. and still i m sure i m safe in India
Journalist to Anna Hazare: Sir , Why r u So Sad ?
Anna : I m Indian .. I love India & Indians .. but I am arrested for doing good cause and I m nt sure when i will be killed ......

Political parties match their symbols ....

2011-08-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

Q: Why is the Samajwadi Party's symbol 'Cycle'?

A: Because after a ban on English and use of computers, that's all we'll be able to afford

Q: Why is the Congress party's symbol 'Hand'?

A: To remind Indians that our fate is forever in the hand of one family

Q: Why is BJP Symbol 'Lotus'?

A: Lotus is the symbol of Sarawasti and learning. BJP will educate us through the wisdom of Varun Gandhi.

Q: Why is Mayawati's symbol 'Elephant'?

A: It's a self portrait.

Q: Why is Jayalalitha' s symbol 'Two leaves'?

A: Because that's what remained after Amma ate up all the fruit

Q: Why is DMK's symbol 'Sun'?

A: So that Karunanidhi can justify wearing shades indoors

Q: Why is Lalu's symbol 'Lantern'?

A: Because there's no electricity in Bihar

Q: Why is CPM's symbol 'Hammer and Sickle'?

A: Because that's what you will be using if they come to power

Q: Why is Sharad Pawar's symbol 'Clock'?

A: Because his time never seems to come

Q: Why is Shiv Sena's symbol 'Bow and Arrow'?

A: I can tell you, but then I'll have to shoot you

Enjoy the ......Corporate language !!

2011-08-11T06:35:00.000-07:00

"We will do it"
means
" You will do it"

"You have done a great job"
means
"More work to be given to you"

"We are working on it"
means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

"Tomorrow first thing in the morning"
means
"Its not getting done...
At least not tomorrow !".

"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views"
means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

"There was a slight mis-communication"
means
"We had actually lied"

"Lets call a meeting and discuss"
means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

"We can always do it"
means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline"
means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

"We had slight differences of opinion"
means
"We had actually fought"

"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you"
means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

"You should have told me earlier"
means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

"We need to find out the real reason"
means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected"
means
"Well you know..."

"We are a team"
means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

"That's actually a good question"
means
"I do not know anything about it"

"All the Best"
means
" You are in trouble"

Next Generation ABCD ...

2011-08-10T04:27:00.001-07:00

Next generation will learn the alphabets in this way:

A- Apple
B- Bluetooth
C- Chating
D- Download
E- Email
F- Facebook
G- Google
H- Hotmail
I- I-Phone
J- Java
K- Kingston
L- Laptop
M- Message
N- Nokia
O- Outlook
P- Print
Q- Quick Time
R- RAM
S- Server
T- Touch Screen
U- USB
V- Vista
W- Wi-fi
X- XP
Y- Youtube
Z- Z.Z.Z..!!

Saying I Love You in 100 languages

2011-08-09T05:09:00.000-07:00

English - I love you

Afrikaans - Ek het jou lief

Albanian - Te dua

Arabic - Ana behibak (to male)

Arabic - Ana behibek (to female)

Armenian - Yes kez sirumen

Bambara - M'bi fe

Bangla - Aamee tuma ke bhalo aashi

Belarusian - Ya tabe kahayu

Bisaya - Nahigugma ako kanimo

Bulgarian - Obicham te

Cambodian - Soro lahn nhee ah

Cantonese Chinese - Ngo oiy ney a

Catalan - T'estimo

Cheyenne - Ne mohotatse

Chichewa - Ndimakukonda

Corsican - Ti tengu caru (to male)

Creol - Mi aime jou

Croatian - Volim te

Czech - Miluji te

Danish - Jeg Elsker Dig

Dutch - Ik hou van jou

Esperanto - Mi amas vin

Estonian - Ma armastan sind

Ethiopian - Afgreki'

Faroese - Eg elski teg

Farsi - Doset daram

Filipino - Mahal kita

Finnish - Mina rakastan sinua

French - Je t'aime, Je t'adore

Gaelic - Ta gra agam ort

Georgian - Mikvarhar

German - Ich liebe dich

Greek - S'agapo

Gujarati - Hoo thunay prem karoo choo

Hiligaynon - Palangga ko ikaw

Hawaiian - Aloha wau ia oi

Hebrew - Ani ohev otah (to female)

Hebrew - Ani ohev et otha (to male)

Hiligaynon - Guina higugma ko ikaw

Hindi - Hum Tumhe Pyar Karte hae

Hmong - Kuv hlub koj

Hopi - Nu' umi unangwa'ta

Hungarian - Szeretlek

Icelandic - Eg elska tig

Ilonggo - Palangga ko ikaw

Indonesian - Saya cinta padamu

Inuit - Negligevapse

Irish - Taim i' ngra leat

Italian - Ti amo

Japanese - Aishiteru

Kannada - Naanu ninna preetisuttene

Kapampangan - Kaluguran daka

Kiswahili - Nakupenda

Konkani - Tu magel moga cho

Korean - Sarang Heyo

Latin - Te amo

Latvian - Es tevi miilu

Lebanese - Bahibak

Lithuanian - Tave myliu

Malay - Saya cintakan mu / Aku cinta padamu

Malayalam - Njan Ninne Premikunnu

Mandarin Chinese - Wo ai ni

Marathi - Me tula prem karto

Mohawk - Kanbhik

Moroccan - Ana moajaba bik

Nahuatl - Ni mits neki

Navaho - Ayor anosh'ni

Norwegian - Jeg Elsker Deg

Pandacan - Syota na kita!!

Pangasinan - Inaru Taka

Papiamento - Mi ta stimabo

Persian - Doo-set daaram

Pig Latin - Iay ovlay ouyay

Polish - Kocham Ciebie

Portuguese - Eu te amo

Romanian - Te iubesc

Russian - Ya tebya liubliu

Scot Gaelic - Tha gra'dh agam ort

Serbian - Volim te

Setswana - Ke a go rata

Sign Language - ,\,,/ (represents position of fingers when signing'I Love You')

Sindhi - Maa tokhe pyar kendo ahyan

Sioux - Techihhila

Slovak - Lu`bim ta

Slovenian - Ljubim te

Spanish - Te quiero / Te amo

Swahili - Ninapenda wewe

Swedish - Jag alskar dig

Swiss-German - Ich lieb Di

Tagalog - Mahal kita

Taiwanese - Wa ga ei li

Tahitian - Ua Here Vau Ia Oe

Tamil - Nan unnai kathalikaraen

Telugu - Nenu ninnu premistunnanu

Thai - Chan rak khun (to male)

Thai - Phom rak khun (to female)

Turkish - Seni Seviyorum

Ukrainian - Ya tebe kahayu

Urdu - mai aap say pyaar karta hoo

Vietnamese - Anh ye^u em (to female)

Vietnamese - Em ye^u anh (to male)

Welsh - 'Rwy'n dy garu

Yiddish - Ikh hob dikh

Yoruba - Mo ni fe

Actually

2011-08-09T04:56:00.000-07:00

1 stone is enough to break a glass.
1sentence is enough to break a heart.
1sec is enough to fall in love.
But y d hell 1chapter is not enough to pass in exam...???

~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~

A boy's eye is
Faster than Google in searching a
Beautiful girl in crowd...
:
But
...:
A boy's heart is slower than
Governments bus while
Proposing a Girl whom he truly
Loves.

~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~

"COLLEGE n SCHOOL are d nickname of HEAVEN"

Hmmm.....
That's why it is said that
"COUPLES r made in HEAVEN.

~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~

My Teacher pointed at me with a Ruler & said:
"At the End of this Ruler is an Idiot" I still don't get why I got rusticated.
I only asked him, "Which End Sir?"

~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~

Professor: What's attention deficit hyperactive disorder?
Student: jimbalakadi bamba.
Professor: Sorry, I don't undrstnd what u said?
Student: Same here sir!

~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~

Father to son: why don't u just go and study?
Son: what for?
Father: U'll get good marks...
Son: then?
Father: U'll get good job.
......Son: then?
Father: U'll have big house, new car.
Son: so what after that?
Father: after that U'll relax.
Son: so what do u think I m doing right now???

~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~

Announcement in University:

"The students who have parked their cars on the driveway, please move them"

Another announcement after 20 minutes:

"The 200 students who went to move 9 cars please return to their respective classes"

~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~^~~~~~

Ugly Truth:

In Bed,
It's 6AM,
You Close Your Eyes for 5 mins...
...& it's 7:45

But in Office,
It's 9:30am
You Close Your Eyes for 5 mins...
& It's Still 9:31

Hilarious yet thought provoking political cartoons

2011-08-08T23:26:00.000-07:00

These hilarious yet thought provoking cartoons were collected from internet.

Courtesy: Satish Acharya

Dost Nahi Badalte | Friends Don't Change | Friends Forever Remain Same

2011-07-22T07:34:00.000-07:00

RESULT AGAR ACHCHA HO.

Maa - Bhagwan ki kripa hai.

Papa -Beta Kiska Hai.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

RESULT AGAR BURA HO:

Maa - Aag lage is college main

Papa - Laad-pyar ne bigaad diya.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

NAUKRI LAGNE PAR:

Maa - Apni sehat ka khyal rakhna

Papa - Khoob Mehnat se kaam karna

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain

NAUKRI CHHOOTNE PAR :

Maa - Naukri hee kharab thee.

Papa - Koi baat Nahin, doosri mil jayegi.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

BIRTHDAY PER:

Maa - Jug jug jiye mera beta.
Papa - Hamesha aage badhe.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

SHAADI PAR:

Maa - Sadaa Sukhi Raho.
Papa - Khush Raho.

Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

BACHHA HONE PAR:

Maa - Bilkul mere bete par gaya /gayi hai.

Papa - Khush Raho.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

LOVE MAIN FAIL HONE PER:

Maa - Beta Bhool ja usko.

Papa - Mard ban.
Dost - Chal Daaru Peete hain.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Duniya badal jati hai par DOST kabhi nahin badalte...

Rajinikanth SMS | Rajnikant Jokes

2011-07-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

Great mystery solved : the missing piece of apple in Apple’s Logo was eaten by Rajnikant!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are today called giraffes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rajnikant dropped an apple and gravity was born.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

East India Company left India in 1947 because Rajinikanth was supposed to born in 1949....:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Harry Potter,
If it took me 8 damn movies to defeat one lame, bald villain, I would give people their money back!
Yours Sincerely,
Rajinikanth

Jokes Series 1 Part - 2

2011-07-22T07:28:00.000-07:00

If "Muahh" is a kiss.....then is "KalMuahh" a promise of a kiss for tomorrow??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Santa (to Banta): Humme kya rishta hai?
Banta: Wohi jo besan aur pakode ka hai.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Kyonki jab besan santa hai tabhi pakoda banta hai.................:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Which state in India has the largest English speaking population? Ans: Before 8 PM -Kerela, After 8 PM – Punjab

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ex saying after a break-up "Hum humesha ache dost to rahenge hi". Its like after taking Ransom a kidnapper says "Acha dost, fir milenge". :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is Stress?
U giv lift 2 a beautiful gal,she faints in ur car &u tk her 2 hospital. Dts stressful.
At hosp d Doc says shes preg & congrats u. U deny, but d girl says u r d father. This is getting very stressful!
U req for a DNA test. After tests, doc says u r Sterile. U r now relieved.
On way bk, u suddenly remember u have 3 kids at home- Who d Hell is their father?
NOW THAT'S STRESS!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‎"ABCDEFG stands for: A Boy Can Do Everythng For Girl.........now the reverse GFEDCBA means: Girl Forgets Evrythng Done & Catches 'new' Boy Again"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wife:Tumne Mjhe Shadi se Phle Q nahi Bataya k Tumhari Phle hi RANI Naam ki Wife hai. .?

Husband: Maine Bataya to tha k Mein tume RANI ki tarah Rakhunga.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jokes Series - 1

2011-07-08T02:44:00.001-07:00

The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'

========================================

Q: What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?

A: The ones in the casinos are serious

========================================

When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

=========================================

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed.

The case was closed for lack of evidence.

==========================================

A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"

His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."

============================================

The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong

================================================

Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."

The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."

James Bond Vs Telugu Guy

2011-07-08T01:36:00.001-07:00

Once it so happened in a flight that, James bond was sitting besides a
Telugu guy. Both were traveling to US.

Telugu Guy: "Hello, May I know your name please?"

James Bond: "I am Bond...James Bond."

James Bond: "And you?"

Telugu Guy: "I am Sai...

Venkata Sai...

Siva Venkata Sai .

Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...

Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...

Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai...

Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula Laxminarayana
Siva Venkata Sai...

Bulusupalli Sitaramanjaneyula Rajasekhara Srinivasula
Laxminarayana Siva Venkata Sai..."

Bond faints!!!!

After that Bond used to tell his name simply as "James Bond".

Golden Rules for Career Success

2011-07-08T01:11:00.001-07:00

Golden Rules for Career Success - Richard Moran

· Business is made up of ambiguous victories and nebulous defeats. Claim them all as victories.
· Keep track of what you do; someone is sure to ask.
· Be comfortable around senior managers, or learn to fake it.
· Never bring your boss a problem without some solution.You are getting paid to think, not to whine.
· Long hours don't mean anything; results count, not effort.
· Write down ideas; they get lost, like good pens.
· Always arrive at work 30 minutes before your boss.
· Help other people network for jobs. You never know when your turn will come.
· Don't take days off sick-unless you are.
· Assume no one can/will keep a secret.
· Know when you do your best - morning, night, underpressure, relaxed; schedule and prioritize your work accordingly.
· Treat everyone who works in the organization with respect and dignity, whether it be the cleaner or the managing director. Don't ever be patronizing.
· Never appear stressed in front of a client, a customer or your boss. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: In the course of human events, how important is this?
· If you get the entrepreneurial urge, visit someone who has his own business. It may cure you.
· Acknowledging someone else's contribution will repay you doubly.
· Career planning is an oxymoron. The most exciting opportunities tend to be unplanned.
· Always choose to do what you'll remember ten years from now.
· The size of your office is not as important as the size of your pay cheque.
· Understand what finished work looks like and deliver your work only when it is finished.
· The person who spends all of his or her time is not hard-working; he or she is boring.
· Know how to write business letters-including thank-you notes as well as proposals.
· Never confuse a memo with reality. Most memos from the top are political fantasy.
· Eliminate guilt. Don't fiddle expenses, taxes or benefits, and don't cheat colleagues.
· Reorganizations mean that someone will lose his or her job. Get on the committee that will make the recommendations.
· Job security does not exist.
· Always have an answer to the question, "What would I do if I lost my job tomorrow?"
· Go to the company Christmas party.Don't get drunk at the company Christmas party.
· Avoid working at weekends. Work longer during the week if you have to.
· The most successful people in business are interesting.
· Sometimes you'll be on a winning streak and everything will click; take maximum advantage. When the opposite is true, hold steady and wait it out.
· Never in your life say, "It's not my job."
· Be loyal to your career, your interests and yourself.
· Understand the skills and abilities that set you apart.Use them whenever you have an opportunity.
· People remember the end of the project. As they sayin boxing, "Always finish stronger than you start."

Clever and Innovative Ad

2011-07-07T01:50:00.000-07:00

Aishwarya Rai is pregnant

2011-06-22T21:30:00.000-07:00

Aishwarya Rai is pregnant! Some funny Twitter jokes around :P

1) Aishwarya is pregnant. At last Abhishek Bachchan has a hit!

2) How did this happen? Abhishek has 'No Idea'.

3) Aishwarya tells Abhishek: "Main tere Bachchan ki maa banne waali hoon."

4) Amitabh will have to rename his film to 'Buddah Hoga Terra Dada.'

5) Three gen's of Bachchans - BigB, WannaB, and now BayB.

Shalu Ke Thumke Vs Sheela Ki Jawani Vs Munni Badnam | Shalu SMS | Shalu ke thumke SMS | Shalu Vs Sheela Vs Munni SMS

2011-06-18T23:15:00.000-07:00

Tel lene gayi Munni ki badnami...aur Dhal gayi Sheela ki jawani
Jab se hui duniya Shalu ke thumke ki diwani....

----------------------------------------------

sheila,munni..ab hui poorani..
ab hai...shalu ke thumke ki baari...
market me to sab yahi kahe rahe hain... kyuki....
munni bhi maani aur sheila bhi maani..... shalu k thumke ki duniya diwani

-----------------------------------------------

Tel lene gaye munni ki badnami
tel lele gayee munni ki badnami
Aa gayee hai jab se Sheela Pe Jawani

Fathers Day, Fathers Day SMS, Fathers Day Messages, Fathers Day Wishes, Fathers Day Greetings, Fathers Day 2011, Fathers Day Quotes

2011-06-16T19:33:00.000-07:00

U were always there as I grew up
U taught me gud 4rm bad
U were my rock 2 lean on
I m so proud tat you'r my Dad

===========================

Grandfather, Grandpappy, Gramps or Grandpa
This message is sent 2 say
Watever the word,u r da best Dad
Enjoy ur spl day

===========================

He's not a fancy dresser,
n he's not so trimmed n neat.
vth simple clothes n simple shoes,
He wears upon his feet.
LOVE U FOREVER DAD

===========================

'I Cannot Think Of
Any Need In Childhood
As Strong As The Need
For A Father’s Protection.
Happy Father’s Day!'

===========================

'Thanks for being there through the
TEARS,
LAUGHTER,
And DIRTY DIAPERS
Happy Father’s Day Dad!

===========================

'F= Forever With His Family
A= Always There For You No Matter What
T= The Only One Who’s There
H= He’s My Hero Till The End
E= Encouraging In Everything I Do
R= Really The Only One…
No One Can Beat Him He’s The Best!!!'

===========================

'A Father Is Someone That
Holds Your Hand At The Fair
Makes Sure You Do What Your Mother Says
Holds Back Your Hair When You r Are Sick
Brushes That Hair When It Is Tangled Because Mother Is Too Busy
Lets You Eat Ice Cream For Breakfast
But Only When Mother Is Away
He Walks You Down The Aisle

===========================

'God gave me the greatest gift I ever had,
God gave me a best friend in the form of my dad.
Father’s Day wishes for a dad who is one in a million!'

Interesting Facts about India

2011-05-31T09:10:00.000-07:00

"Interesting Facts about India"

India never invaded any country in her last 100000 years of history.
When many cultures were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley (Indus Valley Civilization)
The name 'India' is derived from the River Indus, the valleys around which were the home of the early settlers. The Aryan worshippers referred to the river Indus as the Sindhu.
The Persian invaders converted it into Hindu. The name 'Hindustan' combines Sindhu and Hindu and thus refers to the land of the Hindus.
Chess was invented in India.
Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus are studies, which originated in India.
The 'Place Value System' and the 'Decimal System' were developed in India in 100 B.C.
The World's First Granite Temple is the Brihadeswara Temple at Tanjavur, Tamil Nadu. The shikhara of the temple is made from a single 80-tonne piece of granite. This magnificent temple was built in just five years, (between 1004 AD and 1009 AD) during the reign of Rajaraja Chola.
India is the largest democracy in the world, the 7th largest Country in the world, and one of the most ancient civilizations.
The game of Snakes & Ladders was created by the 13th century poet saint Gyandev. It was originally called 'Mokshapat'. The ladders in the game represented virtues and the snakes indicated vices. The game was played with cowrie shells and dices. In time, the game underwent several modifications, but its meaning remained the same, i.e. good deeds take people to heaven and evil to a cycle of re-births.
The world's highest cricket ground is in Chail, Himachal Pradesh. Built in 1893 after leveling a hilltop, this cricket pitch is 2444 meters above sea level.
India has the largest number of Post Offices in the world.
The largest employer in India is the Indian Railways, employing over a million people.
The world's first university was established in Takshila in 700 BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4th century was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to mankind. The Father of Medicine, Charaka, consolidated Ayurveda 2500 years ago.
India was one of the richest countries till the time of British rule in the early 17th Century. Christopher Columbus, attracted by India's wealth, had come looking for a sea route to India when he discovered America by mistake.
The Art of Navigation & Navigating was born in the river Sindh over 6000 years ago. The very word Navigation is derived from the Sanskrit word 'NAVGATIH'. The word navy is also derived from the Sanskrit word 'Nou'.
Bhaskaracharya rightly calculated the time taken by the earth to orbit the Sun hundreds of years before the astronomer Smart. According to his calculation, the time taken by the Earth to orbit the Sun was 365.258756484 days.
The value of "pi" was first calculated by the Indian Mathematician Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is known as the Pythagorean Theorem. He discovered this in the 6th century, long before the European mathematicians.
Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus also originated in India.Quadratic Equations were used by Sridharacharya in the 11th century. The largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Hindus used numbers as big as 10*53 (i.e. 10 to the power of 53) with specific names as early as 5000 B.C.during the Vedic period.Even today, the largest used number is Terra: 10*12(10 to the power of 12).
Until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds in the world
(Source: Gemological Institute of America).
The Baily Bridge is the highest bridge in the world. It is located in the Ladakh valley between the Dras and Suru rivers in the Himalayan mountains. It was built by the Indian Army in August 1982.
Sushruta is regarded as the Father of Surgery. Over2600 years ago Sushrata & his team conducted complicated surgeries like cataract, artificial limbs, cesareans, fractures, urinary stones, plastic surgery and brain surgeries.
Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient Indian medicine. Detailed knowledge of anatomy, embryology, digestion, metabolism,physiology, etiology, genetics and immunity is also found in many ancient Indian texts.
India exports software to 90 countries.
The four religions born in India - Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, and Sikhism, are followed by 25% of the world's population.
Jainism and Buddhism were founded in India in 600 B.C. and 500 B.C. respectively.
Islam is India's and the world's second largest religion.
There are 300,000 active mosques in India, more than in any other country, including the Muslim world.
The oldest European church and synagogue in India are in the city of Cochin. They were built in 1503 and 1568 respectively.
Jews and Christians have lived continuously in India since 200 B.C. and 52 A.D. respectively
The largest religious building in the world is Angkor Wat, a Hindu Temple in Cambodia built at the end of the 11th century.
The Vishnu Temple in the city of Tirupathi built in the 10th century, is the world's largest religious pilgrimage destination. Larger than either Rome or Mecca, an average of 30,000 visitors donate $6 million (US) to the temple everyday.
Sikhism originated in the Holy city of Amritsar in Punjab. Famous for housing the Golden Temple, the city was founded in 1577.
Varanasi, also known as Benaras, was called "the Ancient City" when Lord Buddha visited it in 500 B.C., and is the oldest, continuously inhabited city in the world today.
India provides safety for more than 300,000 refugees originally from Sri Lanka, Tibet, Bhutan, Afghanistan and Bangladesh, who escaped to flee religious and political persecution.
His Holiness, the Dalai Lama, the exiled spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhists, runs his government in exile from Dharmashala in northern India.
Martial Arts were first created in India, and later spread to Asia by Buddhist missionaries.
Yoga has its origins in India and has existed for over 5,000 years.

Cheenti aur Tidda (The Ant and The Grasshopper)

2011-05-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

एक पुरानी प्रसिद्ध कहानी :-

एक चीटी एक टिड्डे की कहानी विश्वस्तरीय लोकप्रिय कहानियों मे से एक है।

चीटीं बहुत मेहनती थी, वह हमेशा अपने काम मे लगी रहती थी, ,. जब कि टिड्डा दिन भर मस्ती करता रहता था। चीटी अक्सर उसे समझाती की हमेशा मौज मस्ती मे डुबे रहना अच्छा नही है। कुछ ही दिनों के बाद सर्दियों का मौसम आने बाला था। चीटी अथक मेहनत कर सर्दियों के आने से पहले एक घर बना लेना चाह रही थी और पर्याप्त भोजन जमा कर रख लेना चाह रही थी, .इसके विपरीत टिड्डा आने वाली सर्दी के मौसम से बेखबर दिन भर मौज मस्ती मे लगा रहा।

कुछ दिनों के बाद सर्दी आ गयी , चीटीं अपने घर मे निश्चिंत आराम कर रही थी पर टिड्डा बाहर जाड़े मे ठिठुरते हुए भुख से व्याकुल होकर मर गया।

इसी कहानी को हम आज के भारतीय परिपेक्ष मे देखें:-

सर्दी के मौसम आते ही टिड्डा ठंड से कांप रहा था। उसे एक आईडिया सुझा , उसने एक प्रेस कांफ्रेंस बुलाया और अपने आपको ठंड से ठिठुरते और चींटी को किसने अपने घर में चैन से आराम करते हुए और उसके भोजन सामाग्री से भरे डाईनिंग टेबुल को दिखाया।

BBC, CNN, NDTV, AAJTAK चैनेल वालों ने यह समाचार प्रमुखता टिड्डे को से ठंड से ठिठुरते और चींटी को किसने अपने घर में चैन से आराम करते हुए और उसके भोजन सामाग्री से भरे डाईनिंग टेबुल को दिखाया।

विश्व राष्ट्र संघ, विश्व स्वास्थ्य संघ यह विचित्र विरोधाभाष देखकर दंग रह गयी। क्यों इस गरीब टिड्डे को इस भयंकर सर्दी में ठंड से ठिठुरते हुए छोड़ दिया गया।

मेघा पाटकर दौड़ी आई और अन्य टिड्डों के साथ आमरण अनसन पर बैठ गयी , “सदियों के मौसम मे टिड्डों को अपेक्षाकृत गर्म स्थान मे रहने और भोजन का उचित प्रबंध किया जाये”।

अरुधंती राय चींटी के घर के सामने प्रदर्शन करने आई,

मायावती ने टिड्डे को दलित मानते हुए इसे उनके साथ घोर अन्याय माना।

Amnesty International and विश्व राष्ट्र संघ के अध्यक्ष Koffi Annan ने भारत सरकार से ,टिड्डे के मौलिक अधिकारों के हनन का मामला उठाया।

इन्टरनेट (INTERNET) के सोशल साईट्स टिड्डे के समर्थन मे भर गये और विश्व के अनेक देशों से सहानुभूति के साथ साथ मदद का आँफर आने लगा। लोग टिड्डे के प्रति इस अन्याय के लिए ईश्वर को दोष देने लगे।

विरोधी दल के नेता ससंद का वहिष्कार किए, CPM , CPI आदि वाम दलों ने भारत बंद का आह्वान कर दिया।

पश्चिम बंगाल और केरल में CPM ने नया अध्यादेश लाया जिसमे चींटीं को गर्मी के दिनों मे अधिक परिश्रम करने पर रोक लगा दिया गया ताकि वे ज्यादा नहीं कमा सकें और चीटी और टिड्डे के बीच ज्यादा अन्तर न रह जाये।

ममता बनर्जी ने अधिकांश ट्रेनों में एक स्पेशल कोच ”टिड्डा रथ” के नाम से जोड़ा गया जिसमे टिड्डे को मामुली भाड़े पर भारत भ्रमण की सुविधा दी गयी।

अन्त मे भारत सरकार ने द्वारा एक न्यायिक जाँच आयोग की स्थापना की गई जिसने एक नया एक्ट "Prevention of Terrorism against Tidda Act” POTATA की रुपरेखा बनाकर सरकार को दिया जिसे सर्दियों के मौसम के आने से पहले SEसे ही लागु मान लिया गया।

शिक्षा संस्थाओं मे, माननीय मानव संसाधन मंत्री कपिल सिब्बल के द्वारा टिड्डों के लिए अतिरिक्त आरक्षण का अनुसंशा किया गया।

भारत सरकार और विभिन्न राज्य सरकारों के द्वारा सरकारी नौकरियों टिड्डों के लिए विशेष आरक्षण की व्य्वस्था किया गया।

सरकार के द्वारा मेहनती चीटी पर POTATA एक्ट के तह्त कई प्रकार के टैक्स गला दिया गया, उसके घर को जब्त कर NDTV आदि मिडिया कर्मियों के सामने ,टिड्डों को दे दिया गया।

मेधा पाटकर ने इसे “A Triumph of Justice' कहा ।

लालु यादव ने इसे सामाजिक न्याय कहा ।

CPM ,CPI ने इसे दबे कुचलों का क्रान्तिकारी जीत बताया ।

मेहनती चीटीं हारकर अमेरिका चली गई , अमेरिकी सरकार चीटीयों के मेहनत से प्रभावित होकर आसान शर्तों पर वीसा दे दिया, ये चीटीयाँ वहाँ सिलीकन वैली मे करोड़ों डालर की कम्पनियाँ बना ली।

और टिड्डा आज भी सरकारी सहायतों का मुँहताज बना हुआ है। सैकड़ों की संख्या मे टिड्डे आज भी मर रहें हैं। सरकारी विभाग आलसी टिड्डों से भर गये। बिना मेहनत किए उन्हें सब पाने की आदत हो गई है।

मेहनतकश चीटीयों अपने मेहनत का इस तरह अपमान और हजारों प्रकार के सरकारी टैक्सों के द्वारा लुटने के भय से बड़े पैमाने पर दुसरे देश चले गये या विभिन्न बड़े उद्योगपतियों के द्वारा उँची तनख्वाह पर ले लिए गये।

और हमारा भारत देश आज भी विकाशशील बना हुआ है।

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Cheenti aur Tidda (The Ant and The Grasshopper)

Santa (to Banta): Humme kya rishta hai?
Banta: Wohi jo besan aur pakode ka hai.
Santa: Kaise?
Banta: Kyonki jab besan santa hai tabhi pakoda banta hai.................:)