You are the reason....

A guy, sitting outside his home about to be evicted from his house,

was Contemplating how the future would be after he had divorced his

wife, lost his Children and lost his job.



He notices a crate of beer bottles and walks up to it. He takes out an

Empty bottle, smashing it into the concrete wall swearing, "You are

the reason I don' t have a wife", second bottle, "You are the reason I

don't have my Children", third bottle "You are the reason I lost my

job".



He notices the fourth bottle is sealed and still full of beer. He

takes the Bottle, puts it aside and says "Stand aside my dear friend,

I know you were Not involved...."

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WIFE WANTED - Matrimonial Ads

A news paper had a humor page with following matrimonial published in it.

BANKER: 
Wanted wife who takes interest in me and credits me with her service.

CAR MECHANIC: 
Wanted a sturdy wife. Should be in working condition. Should be above
average
and must run the household at a good average.

DOCTOR:
Recently a love-bug injected in me a strange bacteria, making me desirous of
marriage. 
I'm looking for a girl who is patient and has knowledge of all ills and
pills, is religious minded 
and keeps away from all sins be it anasin, metasin or crosin.
I promise to be a good doctor with no side effects. Apply or reply.

DRUNKER:
Wanted a girl. Girl's father should preferably have a soda factory.
I am an occasional alcoholic who drinks only when friends come home.
Friends come home only seven times a week. 
Girl preferred will carry me from bar to  ghar-bar.
Meet personally or send soda for trial. Sample should be ample.

LAWYER:
I hereby beg to solicit myself as an eligible candidate for the post of
husband after marriage. 
The person whom I'm looking for should be strictly a girl. 
The girl should be strictly a girl. 
The girl should be willing to surrender to the service and jurisdiction of
My Lord I.
Myself. Any objection would be overruled and will not be sustained.
Apply in confidence and if you have the confidence.

SOFTWARE ENGINEER
Wanted a Girl with a Lovely Look & Feel, Good GUI with Security features
(privileges only for the Specific User especially critical Functionalities)
.

There must not be any Critical or Medium Bug in her.
LowBugs can be deferred But needs to B fixed by the Next Build. She Must not
be PLATFORM INDEPENDENT, USER FRIENDLY. We are ready to Test the Application
& CERTIFY the product but we will assure it will never be released to ANY
OTHER Customer.

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Application Letters

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India...



1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:

Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife,
please sanction me one-week leave.



2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing
the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:

"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."



3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was
performing his daughter's wedding:

"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."



4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:

"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it,
please grant me 10 days leave."



5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:

"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not
return, please grant me half day casual leave"



6. An incident of a leave letter

"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."



7. A leave letter to the headmaster:

"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request
you to leave me today"



8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:

"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."



9. Covering note:

"I am enclosed herewith..."



10. Another one:

"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."



11. Actual letter written for application of leave:

"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home
I may be granted leave".



12. Letter writing: -

"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."



13. A candidate's job application:

"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an
Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several
years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the
post.

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Attitude

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Mast and Hilarious PJ

BOY to girl :
Tu hi to jannat meri,Tu hi mera junon
or kuch na janu mae bas itna hi janu,
Tujme RAB dikhta hai YARA mae kya kru??

Girl:
Mattha tek or Dafaa ho.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What is the height of Flirting?
?
?
When your love letter starts with "TO WHOMSOEVER IT MAY CONCERN".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GIRL- Jaan mujhey aise propose karo jaise kisi ne na kiya ho.
BOY(slapped her, and said) - "kamini, I luv u, mujhsay shaadi karke mujhey
tabah kar de".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After robbing the Bank, robber to clerk: Did u see me robbing?
CLERK : Yes.
Robber shot him dead & asked the next clerk: Did u?
SECOND CLERK : No, But my wife saw u!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Banta baar me ro raha tha.
BARTENDER : Kyo ro rahe ho?
BANTA : Aur kya karu?? Jis ladki ko bhulana chahta hun, uska naam hi yaad
nahi aa raha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BOY : Ae bewafa tune mera dil jala diya, Dil jalke rakh ho gaya.
GIRL : Teri kurbani barbad nahi jayegi, raakh idhar bhej de bartan dhone ke
kaam ayegi.....!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOVE V/S EXAM
LOVE:lots of thoughts in mind but no guts to express
EXAMS:lots of guts to express but no thoughts in mind
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A BOY said to a girL: come into my heart
GIRL said: sandal nikalu kiya?
BOY said: hatt pagli mera dil mandir thodhi na hai sandal pehenke hi aa jao,

ok.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Husband to wife: Tum meri Zindagi ho, aur...
WIFE: Aur kya?
Tell me Aur kya?
WIFE shouted: Tell me aur kya?

HUSBAND: Aur laanat hai aisi zindagi par..;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

EK AADMI ROZ SUBHA PED KI DALI PE CHADH K BAITH JATA THA,
PUCHO KYU?
?
?
?
BECHARA MBA KARKE PAGAL HO GAYA THA, APNE APKO BRANCH MANAGER SAMJHTA THA...

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Rangoli by Girls and Boys

Rangoli By Girls…

and

Rangoli By Boys…

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Fake Vs Real Friends

FAKE FRIENDS: Dont Worry Everything Will Be Alright REAL FRIENDS: Galti Ki Hai Ab Bhugat. Har Jaga Zaleel Hi Karwaega ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FAKE FRIENDS: U R Looking Dashing REAL FRIENDS: Kbi Dhang K Kapre Bi Pehen Lia Kar. Hamesha Charsi Hi Bana Rehta hai. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FAKE FRIENDS: Ur Dress Is Cool REAL FRIENDS: Kis Se Le K Pehna Hai

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Universal Truth

 

 

This is very interesting..........(to women) pls take time to ponder........(to men) enjoy the story........ Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.. But, since it was better than death, He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, For only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous through out the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life.. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered. Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really wants?" She said, "Is to be in charge of her own life." Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time. And the beautiful maiden the other half. "Which would you prefer? She asked him. "Beautiful during the day .... or at night?" Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch! Or, Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day? But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with? (If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be? (If you are a woman reading this) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be? What Lancelot chose, is given below: BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY? . . . . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, he said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now... what is the moral to this story? The moral is... 1) There is witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is! 2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly. So, always remember: (for men in reading) IT'S EITHER "HER WAY" OR IT'S "NO WAY" !!!

 

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Singh is king !!

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.
 
The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.
The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now dear, you are a Catholic."
 
Santa's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.
The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
 
 
There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted:
"Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb,
you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb
but now dears.... you are a potato and tomato"!
 
-- Singh is King...

 

 

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Indian Politician

NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars.
The touchy part was that only one guy could go and it would be a one-way
trip, the guy will not ever return to Earth.

The interviewer asked the first applicant, an American engineer, how much he
wanted to be paid for going.

"One million dollars," the engineer answered. "And I want to donate it all
to my alma mater-Rice University."

The next applicant was a Russian doctor, and the interviewer asked him the
same question.

"Two millions dollars," the doctor said. "I want to give a million to my
family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."

The last applicant was an Indian Politician. When asked how much money he
wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."

"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.

The Indian Politician replied, "You give me three million, I'll give you one
million, I'll keep a million and we'll send the American engineer."

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Aesa apna husband ho...

Aesa apna husband ho...

Aesa Apna Husband Ho...
6" feet jiss ki height ho,
Jeans dheeli magar body tight ho,
Biwi ka her nakhra uthaye, itna mizaj us ka light ho,
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

Uff tak na karay itna quite ho,
Dinner main us ka jawab na ho,
Romantic night ho,
Shopping kar kay jab bhi aoon,
Bolay "darling, tum kitni nice ho",
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

Mujhay rani bana kar rakhay,
tao phir zindagi delight ho,
Saas susar kay samnay kahay,
Jaan tum hamesha right ho,
Hamesha jo haar maan jaye,
Jab bhi kabhi fight ho,
Jahan chahay jaaon, Jo chahay karoon,
Kuch is tarah ki life ho,
Her doosray week ghoomnay phirnay ki flight ho,
Aisa hojaye tao main uroon asman pay jaise kite ho,
Husband apna aesa bright ho...

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Aisi apni wife ho …

Aisi apni wife ho …

5'6'' jiss ki height ho,
Jeans jiss ki tight ho,
Chehra jiss ka bright ho,
Weight mein thori light ho,
Umar mein difference slight ho,
Thori si wo quite ho,
Aesi apni wife ho...

Sarak pay sab kahain kya cute ho,
Bheer mein sab kahain side ho, side ho,
Punjab ki paidaish ho,
Saas ki Khidmat jiss ki khwahish ho,
Aesi apni wife ho...

Parosi jab baat karay tao haath main knife ho,
Dinner candle light ho,
Dono mein na kabhi fight ho,
Milnay say dil delight ho,
Kaash yeh concept 0.01% bhi right ho,
Agar aesi apni wife ho,
tao kya haseen life ho,
Her kisi ki yeh farma'ish ho,
Kudrat ki bhi yeh azma'ish ho,
Ae kaash kahain tao aesi paidaish ho,
Aesi apni wife ho, Aesi apni wife ho...

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Kal ho na ho

Humari Shapath !!

Sehwag ki maa ko bulao,
Sachin ko Pepsi pilao,
Ganguly ko Chawanprash khilao,
Kaif ko Lays khilao,
Dravid ko castrol pilao

KAISE BHI INDIA KO JITAO
Irade hai nek, hosle hai buland,
kasam hai hindustan ki ,
phir wohi jalwa dikhaenge,
rawalpindi express ko
local train banayenge.

aaj ek ball aur khel lo ,
aaj ek bat aur pakad lo ,
aaj ek wicket aur le lo ,
aaj ek match aur jeet lo...

aaj bas aaj...

kya pata kal PAKISTAN ho na ho......

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Hindi Jokes

कम्पाउंडरः अजी डॉक्टर साहब , एक मरीज आया है।
डॉक्टरः कौन है ?
कम्पाउंडरः अजी देखने में तो आधा बड़ा अधिकारी सा दिखे , और आधा नेता जी सा।
डॉक्टरः के बीमारी स ?
कम्पाउंडरः पेट में दर्द बता रिया है , और खूब चिल्ला रिया है। इसके कौनसी बत्ती लगा दूं ?
डॉक्टरः कोई नि , नेता जी या बड़ा सा अधिकारी दिखे तो लाल बत्ती लगा दे , और पुलिस वाला सा लाग्गे तो नीली बत्ती लगा दे।

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

संता : शाहरुख की फिल्म , ' रब ने बना दी जोड़ी ' से क्या शिक्षा मिलती है ?
बंता : उम्मीद मत हारो , शादी के बाद भी लड़की पट सकती है !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

भिखारी : खुदा के नाम पर , भगवान के नाम पर कुछ दे दो बाबा !
दुकानदार : कल आना।
भिखारी : भाई साहब , कल मै नहीं आ सकता , यह मेरा कार्ड पकड़ो , कल खुद ही भेज देना !


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

संता , बंता सेः भाई साहब , आप शादीशुदा हैं ?
बंताः जी नहीं , मैं वैसे ही दुखी हूं।

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

मुबारक हो , तुम्हारी बेटी गायत्री मिस इंडिया बन गई। '
' लेकिन मैं बहुत परेशान हूं। '
' क्यों , क्या हुआ ?'
' जब से मेरी बेटी मिस इंडिया बनी है , लोगों ने मुझे मदर इंडिया कहना शुरू कर दिया है।

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

संता ( अपनी टीचर से ) : मिस , क्या आपने मेरे मोबाइल पर फोन किया था ?
टीचर : मैने नहीं तो , क्यों ?
सरदार : कल मैने अपने मोबाइल को देखा , तो स्क्रीन पर लिखा था , 1 मिस कॉल ।

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

डॉक्टर (युवती से) - क्या आप डिलिवरी के टाइम बच्चे के पिता को अपने पास देखना चाहेंगी ?
युवती - नहीं , उन्हें मेरे पति पसंद नहीं करते।

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