One Liners

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil
in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter

There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads We may
never piss this way again.

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Boss: I'll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I'll raise it to
6000. So when would you like to start?
Santa: In 3 months.

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say Uh-huh or Yes dear or I'm sorry ?




The income tax officer decides to audit a businessman Kishanchand and summons
him to the income tax office. The officer is not surprised when
Kishanchand shows up with his attorney, Pestonji.. The officer says,
"Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time
employment, which you explain by saying that you won money gambling.

I'm not sure the income tax finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Kishanchand .

"How about a demonstration? "

The officer thinks for a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead."

Kishanchand says,

"I'll bet you ten thousand rupees that I can bite my own eye."

The officer thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a

bet." Kishanchand removes his

glass eye and bites it. The officer's jaw drops. Kishanchand says,
"Now, I'll bet you Twenty Thousand rupees that I can bite my other
eye." The officer can tell Kishanchand isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Kishanchand removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned officer now realizes he has

wagered and lost Thirty thousand rupees, with Pestonji as a witness.
He starts to get nervous. "Want to go double or nothing?" Kishanchand

"I'll bet you Sixty Thousand rupees that I can stand on one side of your
desk, and
pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop
anywhere in between."

The officer, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and
there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Kishanchand stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he
mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other
side, so he pretty much urinates all over the desk.

The officer leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss
Into a huge win.

But Pestonji moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?"

the officer asks.

"Not really," says Pestonji, the attorney.

"This morning, when Kishanchand told me he'd been summoned for an audit,
he bet me
One Hundred Thousand Rupees that he could come in here and piss all
over your desk and that you'd be happy about it."



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