Nice sentences

3 Easy Ways to Die:

Take a Cigar daily - You will die 10 years early.

Drink Rum daily - You will die 30 years early.

Love someone truly - You will die daily.

2. One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD

after Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY

3. Three FASTEST means of Communication:

1. Tele-Phone

2. Tele-Vision

3. Tell to Woman

Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANYONE..

6. Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest.

They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.

Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.

Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.

Ant 3 says: No, we will just throw him away from our path..

Ant 4 says: No, we will LEAVE him because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.

7. If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life.

If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

8. Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.

Answer: On their MARRIAGE.

9. When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you
from Darkness.

Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

10. Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women.

Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.

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Stages of an Orkut account :)

Stages of an Orkut account!!!

 

Pappu (real name "Nilesh") opens an Orkut account.

 

Stage 1:
Pappu is called as "Pappu" and is 16 years old, have just cleared 10th standard exam. He opens an Orkut account.

 

About Me: Some "sher" explaining friendship and love.
Profile picture: Hritik or Shahid's photo
Album: Katrina, Ayesha Takia, Amrita Raos photos, Pics of Shah Rukh Khans home
Scraps: More "sher"s explaining all the philosophy in the world and claiming that Friendship and Love are the most important things in life.
Friends: Invitation sent to each and everyone on Orkut.
Communities: 10th standard batch community, Some brazilian community, Tendulkar / Federer fan community, Sunsign / Moonsign community
Testimonial: Messages like "hoz u" / "wch col" / "hi !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ... u thr ..... tc" will be in the testimonials.

 

Stage 2:
Pappu has completed his bachelors. He is now called as Nilesh by everyone. He has got a job in a good company.

 

About Me: Only in this stage about me is really "About me". Its full of what Nilesh likes, what he doesnt like, what he does in his spare time etc etc.
Profile pic: Nilesh wearing goggle on some fort / tourist spot.
Album: Nilesh and gang visiting each and every Multiplex / Fort / Water Fall in 100 km radius on bike.
Scraps: Mainly this scrap from Girls "Do I know you ?"
Friends: All the school, college batch mates, all the girls who are open to accept friend requests
Communities: "Name Beginning with", "Surname beginning with", Company community, College community
Testimonial: Testimonial claiming how is he the "GD" of at least three guys and how average he is and how he could be a good BF.

 

Stage 3:
Nilesh has now 5 years of work exp. He has been "onsite" once. His hair line is receding. And his parents are now "actively" looking for a girl for him.

 

About Me: A very formal about me. Telling everyone where he works and his age and his hobbies.
Profile pic: Nilesh in formals attending some cousins wedding / In front of some famous building in US
Album: Full of Onsite pics. This includes pics of the famous buildings, roads in US, bikes and cars in US, US hotel room photos
Scraps: Mainly scraps from girls looking for a good husband. Occasional scraps from school / college batch mates who are planning re union (which never happens)
Friends: Very few additions to the friend list. Mainly people from the company.
Communities: Community for his caste / sub caste
Testimonial: No new testimonials.

 

Stage 4 : 
Nilesh is now married for 2 months.

 

About Me: No about me.
Profile pic: Nilesh and his wife on honeymoon. Holding each other on some hill top.
Album: Full of Marriage and Honeymoon pics. In all the pics the couple is standing extremely close to each other. Very rarely anything other than the couple is seen in the pics.
Scraps: Scrap by almost everyone in the friend list congratulating on his marriage.
Friends: Additions to the friend list are people from his wifes family. Typically a "Saali" or "Saala".
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: "Saali" writes testimonial for her "Jiju".

 

Stage 5:
Nilesh is now married for 2 years.

 

About Me: Some management / Philosophical/ "Self Help" type of funda.
Profile pic: The marriage pic.
Album: School and college farewell party, pics with the friends from first company when Nilesh’s waist was 28 (Now its 34 threatening to reach 36)
Scraps: Thank you scraps for the B'day wishes Nilesh has sent.
Friends: No additions to the friend list.
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: No testimonials.

 

Stage 6:
Nilesh and his wife now have a baby.

 

About Me: Nothing.
Profile pic: Kids photo
Album: Only the kids snaps.
Scraps: "Congratulations for the Gods gift" type of scraps.
Friends: No additions.
Communities: No addition to the communities.
Testimonial: No testimonials.

 

And after this everything is about the Kid and Wife and Nilesh is not living for himself but he is living for his parents / wife / kids. Nowadays Nilesh spends more time on "LinkedIn" than on Orkut :)

 

 

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"A Wednesday"... ( Rephrased) for all the engineers...

If u have seen the movie "A Wednesday"... ( Rephrased) for all the engineers...

All of you who have seen the movie  ‘A Wednesday’... will love it...


Project Manager Rathore : kaun ho tum..??? kya pehcan hai tumhari ?

Unkonwn Caller :  Kaun hoon mein...mein vo hu jo aaj committment karne se darta hai, Mein vo hoon jo aaj ghar jaane se darta ha,
ye soch ke kahin ghar wale pehchanne se inkar na kar de...

mein vo hoon jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin recession mein mujhe company se na nikal de..

mein vo hoon jiski girlfriend usse friday  ko dus bar phone karti hai, "kya kar rahe ho..?? kaam jyada hai..?? thak gaye ho.
.?? " .....mera haal poochne ke liye ya kaam poochne ke liye nahi,  rathore saab... balki vo ye jaanaa chahti hai ki...
kahin hamesha ki tarah end moment pe boss ke bulane pe mein saturdary ki date cancel to nahi kar raha...

mein vo hoon jo breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai..
vo bhi time mil jae to...
mein vo hoon jo aksar phasta hain
kabhi Interviews ke sawaal mey phasta hai , kabhi Badi companiyon ke jaal mey phasta hai, kabhi boss  aur client ke bawaal mey.

Project office ki bheed  to dekhi hogi aapne rathore saab... us bheed mein se ko bhi chehra chun lijie.. mein vo hoon..

I'm the same old .. SOFTWARE ENGINEER....

 

 

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Our Life :-)

How true J

 

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Impossible Vs Immoral

Boss to Sales Executive: Get 5 lacs business by today evening anyhow.

Sales Executive:That's Impossible Sir!

Boss: What Impossible? Impossible word itself says I'm possible.

In Evening...,

Executive: Boss, I got 10 lacs business.

Boss: Great! How come this miracle happened?

Executive: I cheated the client.

Boss: That's Immoral.

Executive: What Immoral? Immoral word itself says I'm moral.

 

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Woman's mind..

A Woman was  out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.  She went  into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog  said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three  wishes."  The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,  but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.   Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times  ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."  For her first wish,  she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog  warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the  most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".   The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most  beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's  the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she  wanted to be the richest woman in the world.  The frog said, "That  will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten  times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because  what's mine is his and what's his is mine."  So, KAZAM-she's the  richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third  wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart  attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever.  Don't mess with them.  Attention  female  readers: This is  the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.   Male  readers : Please  scroll down. . . . .. . . . . . .   . . .. . . . The man had a heart attack ten times  milder than his wife .. Moral of the  story: Women are  really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them  continue to think that way and just enjoy the show   PS: If  you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that  women never listen!!!  Forward  this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a  good sense of humour.

 

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Wah! This is life Branded Life!!!

 

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IT revolution-Google Gola stall

 

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Computer Password

Computer Password
 

A new employee calls the help desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password. "The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says. "Those asterisks are there to protect you," the help desk technician explains. "So, if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password." "Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there isn't anyone standing behind me."

 

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GuruPurab SMS

Jyo kar suraj nikleya..
Tare chupe haner ploa..
Miti dhund jag chanan hoa..
Kaal taarn guru nanak aiya..
Guru Nanak Dev ji De Prakash Utsav Di Lakh-Lakh Wadaiya..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Nanak Naam chardi Kalaa,
Tere Bhane Sarbat Da Bhala”
Dhan Dhan sahib sri guru nanak dev ji de aagan purab di aap sub nu lakh lakh vadhaai hove ji..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nanak Nich kahe vichaar, waria na jaava ek waar
Jo tud bhave sai bhali kaar, tu sada salamat nirankaar

Gurpurb Dee Lakh Lakh Wadai

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Satgur Nanak Pargataya Mitti Dhund Jag
Channan Hoia.
Aap ji nu Sri Guru Nanak Dev
Ji De aagman purab dian Lakh-Lakh Vadayian.

HAPPY GURPURAB!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

May happiness and blessings
surround you as we join togather
to remember the beloved Sri
Guru Nanak Dev ji and the
Beginnings of Sikhism.

HAPPY GURPURAB TO ALL...!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Raj karega khalsa, aakee rehae naa koe,
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Happy Gurpurab....!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nanak Nich kahe vichaar,
Waria na jaava ek waar,
Jo tud bhave sai bhali kaar,
Tu sada salamat nirankaar
Gurpurb Dee Lakh Lakh Wadai..!!

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AXE effectt... Must read ;-)

Interesting case really funny

THE EFFECT…….

Unable to attract even a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe

New Delhi. In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products.

No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her

“Where the Hell is Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!” Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.” Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn’t possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.

“HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don’t attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I’d suggest that the company settles this issue out of court.” noted lawyer Ram Jhoothmalani said.

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Women (Whatever, Anything, You Decide)

1 . (Whatever)

Men: What should we have for dinner?

Women: Whatever...

Men: Why don't we have Mexican ?

Women: No not Mexican, the last time I got pimples on my face.

Men: Alright, why don't we have Sichuan cuisine.

Women: Yesterday we ate Szechuan, today too?

Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood.

Women: Seafood is not good, I got diarrhea.

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women : Whatever.....

2. (Anything)

Men: So what should we do now?

Women: Anything......

Men: How about watching a movie? It's been a long time.

Women: Watching movie is no good, it's a waste of time.

Men: How about we go for bowling, or some exercises?

Women: Exercise on such a hot day ?

Men: Then find a cafe' and have a drink.

Women: I am off caffeine.

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women: Anything.......

3. (You decide)

Men: Then do we just go home ?

Women: You decide.

Men: Let's take the bus, I will accompany you

Women: The Bus is dirty and crowded.

Men: Ok we will take a cab.

Women: Not worth it... for such a short distance.

Men: Alright, then we can walk. We can enjoy the weather.

Women: I am hungry, can't walk?

Men: Then what do you suggest?

Women: You decide.

Men: Let's have dinner first.

Women: Whatever...

Men: Eat what?

Women: Anything..... . .  .

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Overconfidence !!!

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,

"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"


With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

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Equations....

3 powerful equations,
2 extremely powerful postulates
1 powerful email, containing it all !
 
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
 
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
 
Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
 
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
 
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
 
Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys
 
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
 
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
 
Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend
 
Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys
 
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
 
To Conclude:
 
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.
 
So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
 
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
 
So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
 
Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

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Cost cutting!!!

Cost cutting!!!

 

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Matrimonial Ad

Now that I have seen almost 20 years of my life and most of it without anyone who I could in the true sense call as a friend.....I have been thinking now for a while as to how my spouse oughta be............


# # # # I am not looking for only a beautiful, slim and an intelligent girl.......They are all cliché The ones that matter are:


* The first prerequisite I expect of my wife --- no it isn't the ability to understand me, that's the second---- the first one's a sense of humour for me and all my nonsense

* She must sleep in my lap and allow me into hers. She must run her hand into my hair and fight me with pillows as often as she can.


* She must allow me to disturb her, Which I will, ---no matter how busy and serious she is and I am--- , while she goes about our household chores.


* She must sit with me shoulder in shoulder when we watch the late night movie together and must oblige to have a midnight walk anytime in the night.


* When the curry isn't nice and I stare into her eyes, she must straight away go and make an omlette for me.


* When she is downright tired she must flirt with me to win a cup of tea or a glass of cold water. She must be ready to blow a kiss any time any day and any place.

* She should call me nicknames and how innovative she coins out new ones the better and must be prepared to confront some deadly ones in return. She can call me 'Tu'  or anything as am not at all particular about those pronouns.


* She got every right to beat me up when I annoy her while she watches those dready serials. She can also extract what she wants of me on women's day. And I am also ready to share her pre-marital crushes and secrets.


* On those rare occasions when we might fight and then go on a mourning spree, it can continue for the night. The next morning must again be normal.


* I aint promising her a paradise but yes she will always get more of my love than our children.

* And finally, she must have a higher life expectancy than me. I may not be able to live without her.....

 

 

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About friends... perfect

Friends,

Friendship is not about “I m sorry “ its about “abbe teri galti hai “

Friendship is not about “I m there for u” or “I missed u “ it’s about “kahan marr gaya saale “

Friendship is not about “I understand “ its about “sab teri wajah se hua manhus“

Friendship is not about “I care for u “ its about “kamino tumhe chhod ke kahan jaunga “

Friendship is not about “I m happy for ur success “its about “chal party de saale“

Friendship is not about “I love that girl“ its about “saalo izzat se dekho tumhari bhabhi hain “

Friendship is not about “R u coming for outing tomorrow “ its about “ nautanki nahi, hum kal bahar ja rahe hai “

Friendship is not about “Get well soon “ its about “ Itna piyega toh yehi hoga“

Friendship is not about “All the best for ur career“ its about “ bahut hua, abhi toh switch mar saale“

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Awesome IT Quotes.....

Don't miss. It's fun to read!!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------
UNIX is simple. But it just needs a genius to understand its simplicity.

-Dennis Ritchie

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Before software can be reusable, it first has to be usable.

-Ralph Johnson

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.

-Fred Brooks

------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's hard enough to find an error in your code when you're looking for it;
It's even harder when you've assumed your code is error-free.

-Steve McConnell Code Complete

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are sure and the intelligent
are full of doubt.

-Bertrand Russell

------------------------------------------------------------------------

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be
the process of putting them in.

-Edsger Dijkstra

------------------------------------------------------------------------

You can either have software quality or you can have pointer arithmetic;
You cannot have both at the same time.

-Bertrand Meyer

------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third works.

-Alan J. Perlis

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft
building progress by weight.

-Bill Gates

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first 90% of the code accounts for the first 90% of the development
time.
The remaining 10% of the code accounts for the other 90% of the
development time.

-Tom Cargill

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Programmers are in a race with the Universe to create bigger and better
idiot-proof programs.
The Universe is trying to create bigger and better idiots.
So far the Universe is winning.
-Anonymous

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.
Practice is when something works, but you don't know why it works.
Programmers combine Theory and Practice: Nothing works and they don't
know why.

-Anonymous

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Six Phases of a Project:

* Enthusiasm
* Disillusionment
* Panic
* Search for the Guilty
* Punishment of the Innocent
* Praise for non-participants

-Anonymous

------------------------------------------------------------------------

No matter how slick (efficient) the demo is in rehearsal, when you do it
in front of a live audience,
The probability of a flawless presentation is
Inversely proportional to the number of people watching,
Raised to the power of the amount of money involved.

-Anonymous
------------------------------------------------------------------------

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Gandhi Jayanti SMS

The father of the nation with the tools of truth and nonviolence Freed our nation from imperialism Follow path of truth and wisdom Pay homage to this great leader on Gandhi Jayanti & always

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Jo Bhagwan ko nahi manta use me Insaan nahi manta,aur, jo Gandhiji ko nahi manta use me Indian nahi manta.

Wishing all Indians Happy Gandhi Jayanti on 2nd October.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Ishwar alla tero nam sab ko sanmati de bhagwan,
In remembarence of the mahatma,
HAPPY Gandhi Jayanti…!!

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

It’s day of celebrations,
Its day to value a special person,
Person who is the cause of our nation,
Who taught world the lesson of non-violence,
Its Mahatama Gandhi..
The Father of Nation……

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Aaeey mamu aaj Bapu ka janmadin hai,
Boleto Gandhi jayanti hai,
To mast mein bapu ko yaad karane ka,
Aur is msg ko dosto me forward karke,
Gandhigiri phailane ka kya mamu.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Once upon a time, a common man faced a common incidence but he then turned into uncommon man, became a nation’s pride. He taught world the lesson of non-violence, he taught us to live simple. Man who was so simple yet so complicated that he was driving a whole nation. Nation call him Father. That is Mohandas Karam Chand Gandhi. Our Father of Nation: Mahatma Gandhi. Lets celebrate this valued moment: its Gandhi Jayanti : Gandhi Ji’s Birthday.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

Munnabhai:Ye gandhi Bapu har note par haste kyu rehte hai?
Cicuit:Simple hai bhai…
Royenge to note geela nahi ho jayega!!

———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

What’s the difference between Gandhi, Musharraf &Lalu?
Gandhi didn’t know what’s lie.
Musharraf doesn’t know what’s truth.
Lalu doesn’t know the difference!

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Childs Mind.........

Until a child tells you what they are thinking, we can't even begin to imagine how their mind is working....

Little Zachary was doing very badly in maths. His parents had tried everything...tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying.   Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed. She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before.   This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference.   Finally, little Zachary brought home his report Card.. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, His Mom looked at it and to her great surprise, Little Zachary got an 'A' in maths.   She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, 'Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no.. 'Well, then,' she replied, Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT WAS IT?' Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'Well, on the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around.'

 

 

 

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Safari Story

Short Safari story,

One of the great photo captions of all time...........

Just look at the lion…. :-)

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Power of Punctuation !

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40 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For

being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!....the husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful #@&%$#* should remember fairies are female.

SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH....
AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT!

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Bird Flu and Swine Flu

 

MORAL OF THE STORY :
 

Never get into Inter - Species Relationships!!!!!!   J
 
 

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4 Sons

These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.
"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact; in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

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Marvel that is an Engineer - The Great

[1] Marvel that is an Engineer - Practical

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway.

[2] Marvel that is an Engineer - Exact

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

[3] Marvel that is an Engineer - Discriminative

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

[4] Marvel that is an Engineer - Probing Mind

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

[5] Marvel that is an Engineer - Detailed

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints. "Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections. The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

[6] Marvel that is an Engineer - Perfectionist

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it is perfect, then expand it and add more features until it breaks.

[7] Marvel that is an Engineer - Values

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

[8] Marvel that is an Engineer - Resilient

Cold of Economy gives them Pneumonia yet they survive and flourish everywhere.

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Bhains : Really innovative international literacy day campaign

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From a Bachelors Diary

Long live Bachelors Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life !! --Anonymous --------------------------------------------------------------------- Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. --Oscar Wilde ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --Scottish Proverb ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. --Sam Kinison ( i loved this one ) --------------------------------------------------------------------- Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. Mencken --------------------------------------------------------------------- When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife. --------------------------------------------------------------------- I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always. --Anonymous ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I have never been!" I told her, "How about the kitchen?" --Anonymous ------------------------------------------------------------------ We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. ------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate. --Anonymous ------------------------------------------------------------------- She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. --Anonymous --------------------------------------------------------------------- She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in." --Anonymous --------------------------------------------------------------------- Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says "the wedding rings look like minature handcuffs....." --Anonymous --------------------------------------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first? The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u let him in! --Anonymous --------------------------------------------------------------------- A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so Deeply? A child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied "My wife's first husband." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin . The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled " It really works ! "

---

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Interesting Management Stories

 

 

Interesting Management Stories

Story # 1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"

Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws  will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"

Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with  the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. 

 

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"

Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene :
Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world :
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES

 

---

Story # 2

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."

Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."

Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

 

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."

Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing. Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd ! "

Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene :
As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world:
IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

 

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The Bombay Spirit...Aamchi Mumbai

This can happen only in our Bombay (Aamchi Mumbai)....no where else. Read
on.....

Only local train passengers in Bombay will know how helpful commuters
try to be......  Last week, a hapless victim fell prey to the over
enthusiastic Bombay's local train commuters.

Our hero, a man from Pune, wanted to go to Matunga, but as luck and Trains
would have it, boarded a fast train not halting at his destination. He
panicked on realizing his mistake but by then the local had started moving.
On seeing his plight, a sympathetic co-passenger decided to come to his
rescue.

It seemed that he had been commuting by that particular train (6:03 pm
Kasara Fast) for the past 6 years and had noticed that the train always
slowed down just before Matunga station and crawled at a snail's pace while
passing through it. He told the man to jump out of the running train as it
slowed down and that with a little bit of fleet-footedness, he would make it
safely on terra firma. However, knowing the man's inexperience, he added
some words of caution:

"Keep running the moment you jump or you'll fall. Just keep running." He
stressed the word "running" lest the man not know the laws of motion.
The train did slow down just before Matunga station and at the prompting of
His mentor, our hero jumped out of the train and started running as if
allHell had broken loose.

What he didn't realise, of course, was that he was running parallel to the
train instead of running away from it. Meanwhile, the train slowed down
further, so that the man was running faster than the train. In the process,
he reached the door of the next compartment and the footboard commuters
there pulled him in thinking he was trying to board the train!

To his agony, the train picked up speed and sped past Matunga and his new
co-passengers started to congratulate him on how lucky he had been, until he
told them that they had actually undone what he had done with
greatdifficulty.

Those standing at the door of his "ex-compartment" had witnessed the whole
drama and just couldn't stop laughing at the poor man's situation, while he
grinned sheepishly!! !

Ae dil, hai mushkil, jeena yahaan,  
Zara hatke, zara bachke,  
Yeh hai Bombay meri jaan

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