Political Values

Monday, August 31, 2009

Political Values
 
A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25

 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of
 the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give
 a little speech at the dinner.
 
He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words

 while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish
 from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been
 assigned to a terrible place. The very first person to enter
 my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and,
 when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of
 it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his
 employer, had an affair with his boss' wife, taken illegal
 drugs and pickled his liver with drink.
 
I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people

 were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine
 parish full of good and loving people."
 
Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived

 full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make
 the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the
 first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician.
 "In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him
 in confession."

 

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Bhagvan Ke Ghar Der Hai Andher Nahi (Piggy's Thoughts)

Sunday, August 30, 2009

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Wedding in Pune ..

Friday, August 28, 2009

 

 Wedding in Pune

 

 

 

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DoBRA mat poochna

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Q: Which is the striped BRA?
zeBRA

Q: Poisonous BRA?
coBRA

Q: Mathematical BRA?
algeBRA

Q: Sunsign BRA?
liBRA

Q: Magical BRA?
aaBRA ka daBRA


Q: Religious BRA
BRA hmin!


Q: Metallic bra
BRAss


Q: Anjelina jolly' Bra
BRAd pit...


Q: Botany BRA
BRAnch


Q: Marketing BRA
BRAnd!




Q: AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL BRA
BRAaak Obama


Q: puctuation k liye bra
BRAcket




Q: Scary bra....
GhaBRAahat!!!!


Q: Cricketers ka bra
BRAdd hogg


Q: How does d donkey cry...
BRAAAAA!!
Braaaaa!!
Braaaaaaaaaa!!!




Q: a room where BRA's are kept..
LiBRAry




Q: Bra which became the american president and inspired the whole world,
aBRAham Lincoln!




Q: The BRA which holds the record for most no of T20 runs in an innings?
BRAndon McCullum.


Q: which bra is very important for any vehicle
BRAke




Ab mujhse DuBRA (dubaara) mat poochna

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English Can Be Fun

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

English Can Be Fun

People in other countries sometimes go out of their way to communicate
with their English-speaking tourists. Here is a list of signs seen around the world :

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR

CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Outside a French second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.

WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Spotted in a safari park:

ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:

FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,

THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a field:

THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR

FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES

On a repair shop door:

WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE

DOOR, THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

At a Budapest zoo:

PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY

SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctors office, Rome :

SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco :

THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE

WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Nairobi restaurant:

CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE SHOULD

WAIT AND SEE THE MANAGER.

In a City restaurant:

OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, AND WEEKENDS TOO.

In a Calcutta Coffee House:

PEOPLE DISCARDING CIGARETTE STUBS IN CUPS WILL

BE SERVED COFFEE IN ASH TRAYS


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SWEETS AT MY DESK...! :D

Monday, August 24, 2009

  
 


SWEETS AT MY DESK…!
 
Subha Utha , Nahaya ..Mast Deo Lagaya...
Usko Yaad Kiya Aur Muskuraya...
 
Muskurahat Ka Karan Tha , Kya Sapna Liya Tha Raat Ko
Main Company Ka Ceo Aur My Dream Girl Was My Pmo.
 
Mann To Kiyan So Jaon, Swapn Ki Duniya Mein Laut Jaun...
Phir Socha Uski Jhalak Paani Hain Office Mein, Kahin Late Na Ho Jaun...
 
Goggles Lagaya Style Mein, Sutta Niptaya,
Bike Kiya Self Start, Accelerater Maara
 
Pahooncha Office...Card Swipe Kara..
Khola Pc ...Lotus Notes Top Par Mail Uska Paaya...
 
Mailbox Dekh Sanatta Chaya..
Uska Mail Ka Subject Humien Na Bhaya..
 
Ek Baar Phir Kiya Mail Ka Subject Check
Oh No ..Not Again..Same Words..."Sweets At My Desk"
 
Darte Darte Khola Mail...Andar Wedding Invitation Paaya...
Lo Bhaiya Lut Gayee Duniya...Mandraya Kala Saaya...
 
Dukhi Mann Se Socha ...Chalo Ek Baar Contents To Padd Le..
Naam Kya Hai Ladke Ka...Details Se Rubaru To Ho Le...
 
Phir Ek Baar Mann Chakkar Khaya...Uska Naam Kahin Naa Paaya..
Mail Ka Phir Se Audit Kiya...Dil Ko Ncr Report Acha Aaya...
 
Mail Ke Subject Se Achi Mail Ke Body Nikli..
Jiski Shaadi Thi ..Woh To Uski Sister Nikli...
 
Bhujti Hui Low Phir Phadphadai...
Ek Umeed Jaagi..Asha Ki Ek Kiran Nazar Aayee.
 
Josh Bhare Kadmon Se Rukh Kiya Uske Cubicle Ki Aur...
Ab Sirf Uskee Jhalak Nahin ..Yeh Dil Maange More..
 
Aaj Tak Cubicle Ki Diwaron Se Dekha Tha Usko..
Dekhte Hee Usne Bola ..Lo Dear, Sweets Lo..
 
Humne Suna "Dear" , Humne Kaha Ab No Fear.
Kiya Jhuki Aankhon Se Usko Stare, Uthaya Sweats Ka Apna Share..
 
"Dear" Shabd Kitna Acha Lagne Laga Tha....
Uske Aur Mere Beech Ka Loc Ab Mitne Laga Tha...
 
Baton Hi Baton Mein Usko Bataya Mail Padke Hua Confusion Tha
Reply Jo Bataya Usne, Phir Se Chida Kargil Tha..
 
Phir Se Low Bhuj Gayee Thi, Umeed Mit Gayee Thi ...
Uski Sagai Ki Mail To Ek Hafte Pahle Bounce Back Ho Chuki Thi...
 
Maa Kasam Ek Hi Gaana Yaad Aa Raha Tha Cham Se...
Kasam Ki Kasam , Yeh Pyaar Na Hoga Ab Humse...
 
O Haseeno Sun Lo Meri Iltaaja,
Please Mat Hona Humse Khafa,
Kuch Bhi Ho Jaaye Ab Na Hoga Adjust,
Ab Mat Daalna Mail With Subject "Sweets At My Desk"



 

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Importance of domain knowledge....

Friday, August 21, 2009

Importance of domain knowledge....

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me and my
brother who is four years older than I am. I was maybe 3 and half
years old and had just recovered from an accident in which my arm had
been broken among other injuries.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was
one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the
evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when
I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After
several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came
home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of
tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup
of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then she says to
him, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach
to get water is the toilet??'

....Mothers know!!

2.
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented
him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled.

"My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we
made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved
wrong would go outside and take a walk.

"Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air day after day for some
75 years now.

3.
Speeding - Helpful Wife
A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I
clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60,
perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his
wife and growls, "Would you please keep your mouth shut?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, "Woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing
your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver says,
"Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you
pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have
your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the man
turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP!??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband
always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"

She replies, "Only when he's been drinking."

4. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking...
And one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is far
away...Florida or the moon?"The other blonde turns and says
"Helloooooooo, can you see Florida.???"

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ARZ Kiya hai... Enjoy......Latest PJ

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

1)   Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ... Saap Ne Piya Bakri Ka Khoon ...
Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon! Good Afternoon!!


2)Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Tere Pyaar Mein Paagal Ho Gaya Peter ...
Ab Hero Honda Splendor, 80 km Prati Litre .. !!


3)Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Bahaar Aane Se Pehle Fizaa Aa Gayii ...
Phool Ko Khilne Se Pehle Bakri Kha Gayii .. !!

4)Aatma Chhod Gayii Shareer Puraana ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Aatma Chhor Gayii Shareer Puraana ...

     Aatma Chhor Gayii Shareer Puraana ...


Didi Tera Devar Deewana .. !

 

 

 



5) Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Yashomati Maiyya Se Bole Nandlala ...
"Maa, Tata Sky Laga Daala To Life Jhingalala ..!!"

6)Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ...
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ....
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Hoton Pe "Haan" Hai ...
Dil Mein "Naa" Hain ...
Shashi Kapoor Kehta Hai: "Mere Paas Maa Hai ..."

7) Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...
.
.
Waah! Waah!
.
.
Aapki Surat Mere Dil Mein Aise Bass Gayii Hai ...
Jaise Chhote Se Darwaaze Mein Bhens Phass Gayii Hai .. !!

 

 

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H1N1, Swine Flu - Sorry

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Nandan Nilekani's Fully integrated ID card system....Impact of UID...

This is real cool. When we all have the UID card this could be one such conversation….


Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's ..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... You're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 My Colony, Delhi.
Your home number is 22222222, your office 26666666 and your mobile is
09999998888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure that i'll like it?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular low fat Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 5, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00"

Customer: "Can I pay by! Credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your
bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir.."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,...registration number GZ-05-AB-1107.."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using
abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]

 

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Myth : IT-Guy !!

After lots of meet ups with my non-IT friends, relatives, strangers,
rickshaw wallahs, etc etc

I noticed that the moment you say that you are an IT guy, they have already
made some assumptions about you.

Myth #1: If you are not in the four biggies ...u are a loser
Auntyji :"Beta, kaunsa tent?"

Me: "Persistent! Aunty I work in Persistent. "
Aunty:"Tumko Info*** mein nahi mila kya?" (in short: "tum second grade gadha
lagte ho"
Then I have to make efforts to tell them how I actually work for a much
better company.
In case the opposite person is technologically sane then I give him some
product development 'maaz' (arrogance).

Myth #2: If you havent been onsite ...u are a loser
Uncle: "Tum do saal se IT company mein kaam kar rahe ho na?"
Me: (tighening my collar..head high) "Haan uncle ...bas ..."

Uncle: "Tum videsh nahi gaye?"
Me: "Nahi uncle project mein requirement nahi hai onsite kaa"
Uncle: "Lekin woh bunty ko toh maanna padegaa... engg mein 2nd class
milaa...
fir bhi usne jamke mehnat ki aur usse company ne USA bheja!"
Aaaha! thats the problem. People think that only the smarty pants are sent
on site while
the loser ones are the people left behind in India. So the assumption is
that if you
haven't been on site then you don't work hard
nor you have any sincerity and .. ok that's enough for now.
Myth #3 You can fix any computer..and calculator and mebbe clocks too
Most of the computer engineers around must have at least once gone to a
friend's place
only to fix his /her comp. The task can be from installing a software
(next..next.. finish)
to fixing a computer which gives electric shocks
when its metal areas are touched.
Myth #4: You have lots of money
Once I met up with my friends from school ..from various fields. I just
mentioned that
it is such a pain to go to office nowadays and said that I wanted to buy a
car.

Friend1: "what problem do u have man .. u are an IT waala"
Friend2: "Tu toh Honda CRV le saktaa hai"
Me: "CRV!! aabey CRV kyaa mere pass VCR lene ka paisa nahi hai"

Even after 5 minutes of convincing them weren't getting convinced.
Myth #5: Coding means sitting in front of the computer
During my college days , my classmate had an encounter with a guy from
mechanical dept:
Mech guy: "Your Computer engineering is a big nautanki.... four years you
learn the same grey dabba...
and all you ppl do is sit nicely in front of that dabba and punch the keys"

Well I dont completely disagree
IT guy = you don't respect traditions and have lots of arrogance

IT guy= you are a philanderer and ..... leave it
Well give us a break !

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Aaj ka Bharat

Monday, August 17, 2009

OLD VERSION...

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a
fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away. Come winter, the ant is
warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in
the cold.

MODERN VERSION...

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant's a
fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands
to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others
are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next
to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.
The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor
grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other grasshoppers demanding that
grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for
not upholding the fundamental rights of the grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the
grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support
as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).
Opposition MP's stage a walkout

Left parties call for "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a
Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in
the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among ants and
grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway
Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the Prevention of Terrorism Against
Grasshoppers Act [POTAGA]", with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes Special Reservation for Grass Hopper in educational
Insititutions & in Govt Services.

The ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and, having nothing left
to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government and
handed over to the grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it "a triumph of justice".

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice'.

CPM calls it the "revolutionary resurgence of the downtrodden".

Koffi Annan invites the grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

MANY YEARS LATER...

The ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi billion dollar
company in silicon valley.100s of grasshoppers still die of starvation
despite reservation somewhere in India...

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Which one is right answer ???

Sunday, August 16, 2009

 

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Oh! GOD!!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman
Were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, 'My son is a
Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him?
'Father'.

The second Catholic man chirps, 'My son is a bishop. When he
Walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace''.

The third Catholic gent says, 'My son is a cardinal. When he
Enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'.

The fourth Catholic man chirps, 'My son is the Pope. When he
Walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness''.

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in
Silence, the four men give her a subtle, 'Well...?'

She replies, 'I have a daughter. She is slim, tall? And
36-24-36. When she walks into a room, people say, . . . "OH
GOD !"

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Idiot's idioms

You love someone,
You marry someone else !
The one you marry
becomes your spouse !
And the one you loved
becomes ..............
the password of your mail id !!
---------------
There's only one perfect child
in the world and every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife
in the world and every neighbor has it.
---------------
Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...
---------------
Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is the liver and the wife is the kidney.
If the liver fails, the kidney fails.
If the kidney fails .........
the liver manages with other kidney !!
---------------
Generation Next Motto:
Neither will I marry
Nor I will allow my children to marry !!

---------------
The Japanese have produced a camera
that has such .. such a fast shutter speed that
it is capable of taking a picture of a woman
with her mouth shut!!

Read more...

Free mask for swine flu !!! Ek pe Ek Free

Thursday, August 13, 2009

 

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Independence Day SMS II

aajadi ki kabhi shaam nahi hone denge sahidon ki kurbani badnaam nahi hone denge bachi ho jo 1 bund bhi garam lahu ki tab tak bharat mata ka aanchal nilaam nahi hane denge.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

aao jhukke salam kare unko jinke hisse me ye mukam aata hai khushnasib hota hai wo khun jo desh ke kaam aata hai. "jay hind jay bharat"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

31 states
1618 languages
6400 castes
6 ethnic groups
29 festivalS
1 COUNTRY, PROUD TO BE: INDIAN :
HAPPY INDEPENDANCEDAY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

FREEDOM IN THE MIND,
FAITH IN THE WORDS,
PRIDE IN OUR HEARTS &
MEMORIES IN OUR SOULS...
LETS SALUTE,
THE NATION ON 61st INDEPENNDENCE DAY!
VANDE MATARAM................................

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Independence Day SMS

*********.--,_
********['****'\.
*********\*******`''|
*********|*********,]
**********`._******].
************|*****\
**********_/*******-'\
*********,'**********,'
*******_/'**********\*********************,....__
**|--''**************'-;_********|\*****/******.,'
***\**********************`--.__,'_*'----*****,-'
***`\******** Happy '15th August'********\`-'\__****,|
,--;/ *********************************************/*****.|*,/
\__****** INDEPENDENCE DAY[*******'|****/**/*
**./**_-,*************************_|***
**\__/*/************************,/********"
*******|**********************_/
*******|********************,/
*******\*******************/
********|**************/.-'
*********\***********_/
**********|*********/
***********|********|
******.****|********|
******;*****\*******/
******'******|*****|
*************\****_|
**************\_,/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In this day THINK of our PAST and try to BUILT better FUTURE for ALL of us.. IT IS A DUTY OF ALL OF US!!
i am proud to be an INDIAN
HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Take a stand against evil, corruption & terrorism 4 we belong to India, a nation of pride
& we will thus say-"HINDU, MUSLIM, SIKH, ISAI, SAB HAI BHAI BHAI." HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thousands laid down there lives so that our country breath this day... never forget there sacrifice..Happy Independence day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Other might have forgotten,
But never can i,
The Flag of my country
Furls very high,

Happy Independence day

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15 August ek aisa din jo hume humari azadi ki yaad dilata hai un deshbhakto ki yaad dilata hai jinhone is desh ke liye apna ghar, apni family, apni jindagi, apni jaan tak gavaa dee. I SOLUTED THEM. "JAI HIND" HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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BRILLIANT INTERVIEW QUESTION

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). The 'job hopper'
(referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it.. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the 'company loyal' employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys - the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:


Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying 'employer loyalty'. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a 'permanent' job, so I need not worry about 'what will I do if I lose my job'. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being 'company loyal' and not 'money earning and saving loyal'. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving - I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me - can I get a job now because of the slowdown?
No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a 'debt-free' life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all.. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me
- why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayan Murthy had said - love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO etc. will address the entire company saying, 'well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you." But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO Etc will say, "It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go." So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

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Swine Flu Alert

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


*** S W I N E F L U A L E R T ***











ATTENTION:













If you wake up looking like this, don't go to work!!






















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Orkut Scrapping - Mast Scrap

Sunday, August 9, 2009

सेवा में
प्रिये मित्र ,
SUBJECT : SCRAP की बाबत से!
REFRANCE : ORKUT SCRAPING.

प्रिये मित्र
भगवान् के दया से हम सुकुशल हैं और दुआ करते हैं आप भी सुकुशल हो
आप सदा खुश रहें और कोई भी दुःख आप के पास न आए! आप की कोई भी
इच्छा अधूरी न रहे !............................
आप जानते हैं हम आप ही की FRIENDS LIST के ही MEMBER हैं! असल बात
यह हैं आप ने कई दिनों से कोई स्क्रैप नहीं किया इस लिए हमें आप के हालात
की खबर नहीं! और आप का दोस्त होने के नाते हम पर यह फ़र्ज़ होता है हम आप
के कुशल मंगल पूछते रहे! आप का कोई भी स्क्रैप नहीं होने के कारण हमें आप
की चिंता होती है! तो PLEASE आप अपना बहुमूल्य समय निकल कर थोडा सा वक़्त
हमें भी दें तो ख़ुशी होगी!
बस आप SE यही REQUEST है!
भगवान् आप को हर दुखो से बचाए! बस अब जाने की आग्या चाहता हू ....................
SCRAP का इन्तेज़ार रहेगा!

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Jokes Digest 5

Doctor patient k peche bhag raha tha.

Ek admi ne pocha kya hua?

Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai sala brain ka opreation karwane aata
hai aur baal katwa k chala jata hai.

............ ......... .....................

Ek sardar roz apne kitchen main jata, sugar box kholta aur band kar deta,

Why?

Because Dr. Ne jo kaha tha k apni sugar roz check karna.

............ ......... .....................

Sardar: yar kal main bathroom gaya to wahan sher tha,

2nd sardar: hain phir tum ne kya kiya?

1st: kuch nahi main ne sher se kaha aap kar lo meri to nikal gai hai.

............ ......... .....................

Pathan girl friend ko ghar le gaya,

Sab darwaze khirkiyan band kardin,

Parde gira diye light off kar k us k pass aya aur kaha : dekho humara
watch main light jalta hai.

............ ......... .....................


............ ......... ..................... ..........
..................... ......... ..................... ..........
............


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Drinking Problem

Friday, August 7, 2009

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Past Present Future - Wife

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


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Going to heaven or hell :)

A priest, a doctor and a fresh engineer die and go the heavens gate, they hear gods voice and it says
 
" My sons i am really very sorry but the heaven is full and i can accommodate only one of u. so to choose the 
rightful person one by one tell me what u have done in ur lifetime."

 
 The priest goes up first and says
 
" well god i am a priest i am ur humble servent and have spent all my life   working   to  spread ur message."
 

 
 The doctor goes up next and says
 
" well i am a doctor and i have helped thousands of people recover from there illnesses and saved countless lives."
 
 
The engineer goes up and says
 
" well I worked as a s/w engineer and...."
 
before the engineer could say any further the heaven's gate opened and god came out with tears in his eyes and said to the engineer
 
"Say no more my son come with me b'coz u have already been through hell."

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Story of SHIT

In the 16th and 17th centuries, before commercial fertilizer was invented, large shipments of manure were transported by ship. It was shipped in dry bundles because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet-but once water hit it at sea, it not only became heavier, but when the process of fermentation began, a byproduct which is methane gas was formed. It didn't take long for methane to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOOM!

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before somebody figured out what was happening. Once they determined the role that manure played in the explosions, everybody began stamping the bundles with the term "Ship High In Transit", so that the sailors would know to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane… !

Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.

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Aaj Ka PJ

Monday, August 3, 2009

 

Lion : “Robert, Diana ko kuch khata pila do”

Robert: “ Kyun bos”

Lion : “Bevkuf, phir who Diana se DianaSour ban jayegi aur extinct ho jayegi”

 

 

 

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Joke

Saturday, August 1, 2009

One morning at a doctor’s surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him" OK, what happened to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that’s how I strained my back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said "My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?"

He replied, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now ...Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and I was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to youuuuuu.....?"

"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor"........
 ;)

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Indian and American

An Indian and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun-game.
The
Indian, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.
He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."
Again, the
Indian declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."
This gets the
Indian 's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The
Indian doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."
So the
Indian asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. No answer!
He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and co-workers.
Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the
Indian and hands him $500.
The
Indian thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the
Indian and asks,"Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the
Indian reaches into his purse, hands the American $5,
and goes back to sleep!

J J
 

 

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A blog for SMS, Occasion specific SMS, New Year SMS, Diwali SMS, Holi SMS, Birthday Special SMS, Christmas, Id, Dusshera, Shivratri, Rakshabandhan, Independence Day, Republic Day, Lohri, Makar Sakranti, Festival SMS, Romantic SMS, Flirt SMS, Laughter SMS, Shayari, Teasing, Friendship, Miss U, Punjabi sms, Hindi sms & funny jokes

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