Logical Jokes

1) Sharabi knocks the door of his home. wife opens the door;sharabi asks who r u?

She yells: how dare u forget ur wife!

He answrs: Nasha har gam ko bhula deta hai!

 

 2) Question. How Nisar was born?

Answer. Jawan Jaan-e-mann,

             Haseen dilruba,

             Mily 2 dil jawan,

             NISAR HO GAYA.

 

 3) Wife ko Begum kyon kehte hain? Kyonki shaadi ke baad saare gum to husband ke hisse mein aate hain or wife Be-Gum ho jaati hai.

 

 4) Prospective Husband :Do you have a book called "Man, the Master of Women".

Salesgirl :The fiction department is on the other side, sir !!

 

 5) Just imagine life without girls!

Markets silent

Streets empty

Police at rest

Mobile companies in loss

No flowers

No valentine's &

All MEN direct to HEAVEN!

 

 7) It's sad for a girl to reach an age where men consider her "charmless" ...but its worse for a man to reach an age where girls consider him "harmless." ;)

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Santa Banta Fresh Stock

Teacher: Translate - Bazaar mein goliyan chal rahi hain.
Santa: The Tablets are walking in the market.

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Interviewer: What is skeleton?
Santa: Skeleton is a person who started dieting but forgot to stop
it..!!!

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Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.

Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.

Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.

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Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?

Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.

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Santa:
Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?

Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko
nahi.

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Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.

Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.

Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.

Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.

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Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?

Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use
pehchan nahin pa raha

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Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.

Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.

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Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.

Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...

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Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.

Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?

Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.

Santa: Phir?

Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !

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Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..!

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Poor Essay

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15 rules that India lives by :-)

The 15 Rules / Laws That  India Lives By

1. The Other Side Law:
If my side of the road has a traffic jam, then I can start driving on the
wrong side of the road, and all incoming cars will be rerouted via Meerut.

2. The No Queue Rule:

If there is a queue of many people, no one will notice me sneaking into
the front as long as I am looking the other way.

3. The Mind Over Matter Law:

If a red light is not working, four cars from different directions can
easily pass through one another.

4. The Auto Axiom:

If I indicate which way I am going to turn my vehicle, it is an
information security leak.

5. The In Spit Of Thing:

The more I lean out of my car or bus, and the harder I spit, the stronger
the roads become.

6. The Cinema Hall Fact:

If I get a call on my mobile phone, the film automatically goes into pause
mode.

7. The Brotherhood Law:

If I want to win an argument, I need only to repeatedly suggest that the
other person has illicit relations with his sister.

8. The Baraat/ Marriage Right:

When I'm on the road to marriage, all the roads in the city belong to me.
To ME.

9. The Heart Of Things:

If I open enough buttons on my shirt, the pretty girl at the bus stop can
see through my mal-deformed chest into the depths of my soul.

10. The Name Game:

It is very important for the driver behind me to memorize the nicknames of
my children.

11. Parking Up The Wrong Tree:

When I double-park my car, the road automatically widens so that the
traffic is not affected.

12. The Chill Bill Move:

When I park and block someone else's car I am giving him a chance to
pause, relax, chill and take a few moments off from his rushed day.

13. The Ogling Stare:
If you don't ogle and drool at every hot Chic that passes by, you're gay.

14. The Bus Law:

If I stop my bus at the correct place near the bus stop, the city will
explode and blow into 6 million pieces.

15. The VIP Rule:
There are only 3 important persons in this city -Me, I, Myself !

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Words Women Use

Fine

This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

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Five Minutes

If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.

Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

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Nothing

This is the calm before the storm. This means "something" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine".

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Go Ahead

This is a dare, not permission, DON'T DO IT!

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Loud Sigh

Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

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That's Okay

This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

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Thanks

This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you're welcome and back out of the room slowly .

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New set of ultra-deadly PJs

New set of ultra-deadly PJs

Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married
After marriage, lots of students gather at their home ..... why ???
...
...
...
..
..
..
..
..
..
because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)

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rahul gandhi --> mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa
rahi......

sonia gandhi --> kyun beta????????????????

rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahumat do

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santa and banta r discussing---------

santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"

Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."

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One day Ravan went to a disco......................... .
aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya ...................
kyun???????????????????

kyun??????????????

bcoz entry fee was Rs.1500 per head!!!!!!!

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Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. To
naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.
Kyon??????

Think.............

Give up??

Coz...

"Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango." (Haq is Inzmam Ul Haq Pakistani
Batsman)

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*****************************

if a CAT crosses ur way , when u are going some where , then what does
it mean?????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????

?
?
it means that the Cat is also going somewhere

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Guru mantra for every friday

 

  Mantra

 

---

" Gurur  RUM  aa,  Guru Whisky ,  Guru vodka , Gin-e-shwara. 

 

Gurur Sakshat  Peg  Brahma , Tasmai shree Beer-e Namaha."  

Bhagwan aapko iss weekend tunnn rakkhhe . 

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Do you believe in Genie !!!

BOYFRIEND  takes his  GIRLFRIEND  to play her first game of golf.

Of course, the GIRLFRIEND  promptly hacked her first shot right through the window
of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The BOYFRIEND cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to
apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, 'Come in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage
that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle
was lying on its side near the broken window.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people who broke my
window?'

'Uh...yeah, sir. We're really sorry about that,' the BOYFRIEND  replied.

'Oh, no apologies please. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a
Genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that
you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each
one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.'

'Wow, that's great!' the BOYFRIEND said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for! the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the Genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And
I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the Genie asked. 'I'd like to
own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,'
she said.

'Consider it is done,' the GENIE said. 'And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

'And now,' the couple asked out of curiosity, 'what's your wish, GENIE?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman
in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your GIRLFRIEND  .'

The BOYFRIEND looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now
have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled !! Led it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're
right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, and it's only
for one time.

'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the BOYFRIEND  .

'I'd do the same for you!' So the GENIE and the woman went upstairs where
they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The GENIE was
insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop fun, the GENIE rolled over and looked
directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are you and your BOYFRIEND ?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

'Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in GENIES
..............RIDICULOUS

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Baniya Jokes

Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne mombatti jala di …
Baahar jaate hue bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to mombatti bujha dena

 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de

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Baniya 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
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Baniya ne sheikh ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Baniya ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Sheikh:Munna...!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay:)

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Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai,
kya
charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.

 

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Indian Discovery

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand
years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug
200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:
' US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have
concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital
telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'

One week later, Indian daily newspapers reported the following:
*'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Indian scientists have found
absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors
were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.** *

*"JAI HO"*

#

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What a Reply....

 

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8 children… A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!! The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking!!!!" Issued in Public Interest by Ministry of Family Welfare...!!!!!!!!!

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Second Opinion ...

Second Opinion!

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. 
 

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." 
 

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. 
 

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... A new suit." 
 

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." 
 

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." 
 

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
 

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. 
 

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. 
 

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" 
 

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." 
 

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." 
 

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" 
 

"Been in the business 60 years."
 

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. 
 

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" 
 

Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." 
 

The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." 
 

Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." 
 

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." 
 

...

New suit - $400 
New shirt - $36 
New underwear - $6 
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

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