Aaj Ka Media
Thursday, November 1, 2012
भगवान राम जब अयोध्या लौट कर आये थे, यदि उस समय
हमारी मिडिया रही होती तो प्रेस कांफ्रेंस में कैसे कैसे सवाल करती.....
-आपके टीम के श्री हनुमान को लंका सन्देश देने भेजा था पर उन्होंने वहाँ आग लगा दी.... क्या आपकी टीम में अंदरूनी तौर पर वैचारिक मतभेद है?
Read more...
हमारी मिडिया रही होती तो प्रेस कांफ्रेंस में कैसे कैसे सवाल करती.....
-आपके टीम के श्री हनुमान को लंका सन्देश देने भेजा था पर उन्होंने वहाँ आग लगा दी.... क्या आपकी टीम में अंदरूनी तौर पर वैचारिक मतभेद है?
- क्या हनुमान के ऊपर अशोक वाटिका उजाड़ने के आरोप में वन विभाग द्वारा मुकदमा नहीं चलाया जाना चाहिए?
- आपके सहयोगी श्री सुग्रीव पर अपने भाई का राज्य हड़पने का आरोप है|....क्या आपने इसकी जांच करवाई?
- क्या ये सच है कि सुग्रीव की राज्य हड़पने की साजिश के मास्टर माइंड आप है?
- आप चौदह साल तक वनवास में रहे... आपको अपने खर्चे चलाने के लिए फंड कहाँ से मिले?
- क्या आपने उस फंड का ऑडिट करवाया है?
- आपने सिर्फ रावण पर हमला क्यों किया, जबकि राक्षस और भी थे? क्या ये लंका की डेमोक्रेसी को अस्थिर करने की साजिश थी?
- क्या ये सच नहीं है कि रावण को परेशान करने के मकसद से आपने उनके परिवार के निर्दोष लोगो जैसे कुम्भकरण पर हमला किया?
- क्या आपकी टीम के हनुमान द्वारा संजीवनी बूटी की जगह पूरा पहाड
उखाड़ लेना सरकारी जमीन के साथ छेड़छाड़ नहीं?
- क्या ये सच नहीं कि आपने हमले से पहले समुद्र पर पुल बनाने का ठेका अपने करीबी नल और नील को नहीं दिया?
- आपने पुल बनाने के लिए छोटी छोटी गिलहरियों से काम करवाया..... क्या इसके लिए आप पर बाल श्रम कानून के तहत मुकदमा नहीं चलाया जाना चाहिए?
- आपने बिना किसी पद पर रहते हुए युद्ध के समय इन्द्र से सहायता प्राप्त की और उनका रथ लेकर रावण पर हमला किया.. क्या आप इन्द्र की टीम ए है?
- इस सहायता के बदले में क्या आपने इन्द्र को ये वादा नहीं किया कि अयोध्या का राजा बनने के बाद आप उन्हें अयोध्या के आस पास की जमीन दे देंगे?
- आप युद्ध में अयोध्या से रथ न मंगवा कर इन्द्र से रथ लिया.... क्या ये इन्द्र की कंपनी को लाभ पहुंचाने के उद्देश्य से किया गया?
- क्या आपने जामवंत को सहायता के बदले राष्ट्रपति बनाने का वादा नहीं किया?
विभीषण अपने टीम में शामिल करके आपने दल-बदल क़ानून का सरासर उलंघन नहीं किया ?
- और आखिरी सवाल, कि आपने भरत को राजा बनाया ...
क्या आपको अपनी नेतृत्व क्षमता संदेह था?
- आपके सहयोगी श्री सुग्रीव पर अपने भाई का राज्य हड़पने का आरोप है|....क्या आपने इसकी जांच करवाई?
- क्या ये सच है कि सुग्रीव की राज्य हड़पने की साजिश के मास्टर माइंड आप है?
- आप चौदह साल तक वनवास में रहे... आपको अपने खर्चे चलाने के लिए फंड कहाँ से मिले?
- क्या आपने उस फंड का ऑडिट करवाया है?
- आपने सिर्फ रावण पर हमला क्यों किया, जबकि राक्षस और भी थे? क्या ये लंका की डेमोक्रेसी को अस्थिर करने की साजिश थी?
- क्या ये सच नहीं है कि रावण को परेशान करने के मकसद से आपने उनके परिवार के निर्दोष लोगो जैसे कुम्भकरण पर हमला किया?
- क्या आपकी टीम के हनुमान द्वारा संजीवनी बूटी की जगह पूरा पहाड
उखाड़ लेना सरकारी जमीन के साथ छेड़छाड़ नहीं?
- क्या ये सच नहीं कि आपने हमले से पहले समुद्र पर पुल बनाने का ठेका अपने करीबी नल और नील को नहीं दिया?
- आपने पुल बनाने के लिए छोटी छोटी गिलहरियों से काम करवाया..... क्या इसके लिए आप पर बाल श्रम कानून के तहत मुकदमा नहीं चलाया जाना चाहिए?
- आपने बिना किसी पद पर रहते हुए युद्ध के समय इन्द्र से सहायता प्राप्त की और उनका रथ लेकर रावण पर हमला किया.. क्या आप इन्द्र की टीम ए है?
- इस सहायता के बदले में क्या आपने इन्द्र को ये वादा नहीं किया कि अयोध्या का राजा बनने के बाद आप उन्हें अयोध्या के आस पास की जमीन दे देंगे?
- आप युद्ध में अयोध्या से रथ न मंगवा कर इन्द्र से रथ लिया.... क्या ये इन्द्र की कंपनी को लाभ पहुंचाने के उद्देश्य से किया गया?
- क्या आपने जामवंत को सहायता के बदले राष्ट्रपति बनाने का वादा नहीं किया?
विभीषण अपने टीम में शामिल करके आपने दल-बदल क़ानून का सरासर उलंघन नहीं किया ?
- और आखिरी सवाल, कि आपने भरत को राजा बनाया ...
क्या आपको अपनी नेतृत्व क्षमता संदेह था?
Extended Murphy's Laws
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Law of Queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease,your nose will begin to itch.
Theatre Rule: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Read more...
Law of Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease,your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Bath Theorem: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Theatre Rule: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Bosses are like that :-)
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Boss : There are 50 bricks on an airplane. If u drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err....
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the airplane. That’s the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!!!
Moral: Jitna marzi prepare karlo.. Agar boss ne thaanli hai bajane ki to bajake hi rahega
Employee : That's easy, 49.
Boss : What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge
Boss : What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee : Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss : It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee : Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss : How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee : She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday
Boss : Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee : Er....I guess she drowned....err....
Boss : No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the airplane. That’s the problem, you are not focused on your job....You may leave now!!!
Moral: Jitna marzi prepare karlo.. Agar boss ne thaanli hai bajane ki to bajake hi rahega
Rajnikanth Jokes | Rajni Mind It SMS
Monday, August 6, 2012
1. Once upon a time Rajnikanth used a tooth powder to get strong teeth. . . today that powder is used as
CEMENT
2. Once Rajnikanth was playing Cricket and Rain Stopped due to...
Heavy Play !
3. Once Rajnikanth gone for a walk and after one hour police arrested him u know why.
He reached USA and having No Visa with him!
4. Rajnikanth was practicing spellings. The rough sheet he used is today known as the..
OXFORD DICTIONARY !!
5. Hrithik tried to participate in a dance competition with Rajnikanth. Result: ...
He is in a wheel chair in Guzaarish !
6. Rajnikanth was once told to choose 3 subjects when he got admission in Jr.college......
He chose science, arts and commerce!!!!!!!
7. Rajnikanth can make calls from his ...
iPod to his iPad.!!!
8. One nite, while asleep, Rajnikanth was mumbling some random numbers...
Thats how the Log table was invented.
9. One day Rajnikanth bunked school.....
Since then it is known as Sunday
10. Once Rajnikanth was on the hot seat of KBC....
And the computer needed lifeline to choose the question. Mind it!
11. Michael Jordan to Rajni: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Rajni: .....
Rascalaa, how do you think the earth spins!?
12. Roger Federer: I know everything about tennis. You can ask me anything.
Rajnikanth: ... Ok. Tell me, how many holes are there in the NET??
13. All scientists failed to answer this but Rajnikant did.
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Rajni: ....... DOSAI..
14. Once a big stone obstructed Rajani's way.He kicked high in sky and now it is so called...
The MOON
15. Once when performing on a beach in Tamil Nadu, Rajanikant kicked a stone..
Now that stone is known as . . . .
SRI LANKA
16. Rajinikant participated in 100 meter race and obviously he came first...
But Einstein died after watching that. . . bcoz . . . .
LIGHT came second !
17.Once Rajinikant participated in Moto gp Bike race......Don't even try to guess what happened ...........
Rajinikant won d race in neutral gear!
18. Rajinikanth doesnt breathe.
Air hides in his lungs for protection !
19. Once Rajinikant went to Bhopal for shooting and had a stomach upset.....and the result was.. . . .
BHOPAL GAS TRAGEDY!
20. 1 day Rajinikant got angry on his sweeper boy., he kicked him so hard that he went flying in the sky with is broom...
2day that boy is famous as "HARRY POTTER".
21. Before Tom Cruise, Rajnikant was approached for the movie "Mission Impossible"but he refused . . . .
as he found the title insulting
22. Once Rajnikanth was asked how he felt about the jokes made on him which were spreading through sms and internet.
To everyone's surprise he started laughing and replied- " Ennada Do you really think they are jokes? "
23. Rajni once taught a child how to play counter strike and that guy is now called..............
"OSAMA BIN LADEN"
24. Once Dinosaurs rented some land from Rajnikanth and made mistake not to pay the dues.......
That was the last time anyone saw Dinosaurs ! thats rajni mindittttt
25. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin.
Its descendants are today called Giraffes.
26. As a kid Rajnikant maintained a diary of day to day activities, today that diary called as. . . . . . . . .
Guinness Book Of World Records
27. Once a boy inserted A CD named Rajnikanth into his PC... Guess wot.... . . . .
His PC started Rotating around the CD rom
28. Intel's new tag line for its processors ........... "Rajnikanth Inside"
29. Once Rajnikant taught a boy how to kiss. Now that boy is known as '. . . .
Emran Hashmi'
30. When Rajinikant croses the Road, the cars have to look . . . . left and right before moving.
31. Next time Rajnikanth was practicing spellings... The rough sheet he used is known as ... ... : ..
Thesaurus !! :D,
32. If Rajnikant was born a little earlier 500 years back, Britishers would have fought to get independence from India !!
& know what...
The Caucasians would have been slaves in Americas , Africa & Australia !!!
33. People will have to pass RAT EXAM from this year onwards to get admission to any professional program.
Yes RAT paper.... : : Rajnikant Aptitude Test !!!
"Guys This is SERIOUS, Please Stop making Jokes on Rajnikant da .....or else.He will Delete the INTERNET altogether daa
MIND ITT!!!.."
CEMENT
2. Once Rajnikanth was playing Cricket and Rain Stopped due to...
Heavy Play !
3. Once Rajnikanth gone for a walk and after one hour police arrested him u know why.
He reached USA and having No Visa with him!
4. Rajnikanth was practicing spellings. The rough sheet he used is today known as the..
OXFORD DICTIONARY !!
5. Hrithik tried to participate in a dance competition with Rajnikanth. Result: ...
He is in a wheel chair in Guzaarish !
6. Rajnikanth was once told to choose 3 subjects when he got admission in Jr.college......
He chose science, arts and commerce!!!!!!!
7. Rajnikanth can make calls from his ...
iPod to his iPad.!!!
8. One nite, while asleep, Rajnikanth was mumbling some random numbers...
Thats how the Log table was invented.
9. One day Rajnikanth bunked school.....
Since then it is known as Sunday
10. Once Rajnikanth was on the hot seat of KBC....
And the computer needed lifeline to choose the question. Mind it!
11. Michael Jordan to Rajni: I can spin a ball on my finger for over two hours. Can you?
Rajni: .....
Rascalaa, how do you think the earth spins!?
12. Roger Federer: I know everything about tennis. You can ask me anything.
Rajnikanth: ... Ok. Tell me, how many holes are there in the NET??
13. All scientists failed to answer this but Rajnikant did.
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Rajni: ....... DOSAI..
14. Once a big stone obstructed Rajani's way.He kicked high in sky and now it is so called...
The MOON
15. Once when performing on a beach in Tamil Nadu, Rajanikant kicked a stone..
Now that stone is known as . . . .
SRI LANKA
16. Rajinikant participated in 100 meter race and obviously he came first...
But Einstein died after watching that. . . bcoz . . . .
LIGHT came second !
17.Once Rajinikant participated in Moto gp Bike race......Don't even try to guess what happened ...........
Rajinikant won d race in neutral gear!
18. Rajinikanth doesnt breathe.
Air hides in his lungs for protection !
19. Once Rajinikant went to Bhopal for shooting and had a stomach upset.....and the result was.. . . .
BHOPAL GAS TRAGEDY!
20. 1 day Rajinikant got angry on his sweeper boy., he kicked him so hard that he went flying in the sky with is broom...
2day that boy is famous as "HARRY POTTER".
21. Before Tom Cruise, Rajnikant was approached for the movie "Mission Impossible"but he refused . . . .
as he found the title insulting
22. Once Rajnikanth was asked how he felt about the jokes made on him which were spreading through sms and internet.
To everyone's surprise he started laughing and replied- " Ennada Do you really think they are jokes? "
23. Rajni once taught a child how to play counter strike and that guy is now called..............
"OSAMA BIN LADEN"
24. Once Dinosaurs rented some land from Rajnikanth and made mistake not to pay the dues.......
That was the last time anyone saw Dinosaurs ! thats rajni mindittttt
25. Rajinikanth once kicked a horse in the chin.
Its descendants are today called Giraffes.
26. As a kid Rajnikant maintained a diary of day to day activities, today that diary called as. . . . . . . . .
Guinness Book Of World Records
27. Once a boy inserted A CD named Rajnikanth into his PC... Guess wot.... . . . .
His PC started Rotating around the CD rom
28. Intel's new tag line for its processors ........... "Rajnikanth Inside"
29. Once Rajnikant taught a boy how to kiss. Now that boy is known as '. . . .
Emran Hashmi'
30. When Rajinikant croses the Road, the cars have to look . . . . left and right before moving.
31. Next time Rajnikanth was practicing spellings... The rough sheet he used is known as ... ... : ..
Thesaurus !! :D,
32. If Rajnikant was born a little earlier 500 years back, Britishers would have fought to get independence from India !!
& know what...
The Caucasians would have been slaves in Americas , Africa & Australia !!!
33. People will have to pass RAT EXAM from this year onwards to get admission to any professional program.
Yes RAT paper.... : : Rajnikant Aptitude Test !!!
"Guys This is SERIOUS, Please Stop making Jokes on Rajnikant da .....or else.He will Delete the INTERNET altogether daa
MIND ITT!!!.."
Wacky Definitions
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.
Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.
Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Father: A banker provided by nature.
Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.
Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death
Corporate Management Explained
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night."
Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked: "What you gonna to do with him?"
Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note: To raffle is to sell a thing by lottery - draw lot -! to a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket)
Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $998.00."
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won. So I gave him back his two dollars."
Santa Banta ... Fun continues...
Santa sent SMS to his BOSS: Me sick, no work.
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* THE BEST ONE ! ! ! ! !
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Pappu: Ajj madam ne 1 swaal puchhya jisda jawab sirf mainu hi pata si.
Santa: Mera biba beta, ki swaal si?
Pappu: Swaal si k blackboard kol susu kine kita hai?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..!
Boss SMS back: When I am sick I kiss my wife try it.
Two hours later Santa sms 2 boss: Me ok, ur wife very sweet.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella mein hole kyu?
Sardar bola: Oye barish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa: Why has the Govt. fixed voting age 18yrs & marriage age 21yrs?
Banta: Govt. ko pata hai ki desh sambhalna aasan hai, lekin biwi ko nahi.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Banta: Pareshan lag rahe ho.
Santa: Yaar baap ban ne wala hu.
Banta: Yeh to khushi ki baat hai.
Santa: Lekin biwi ko nahi pata.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa bada dukhi tha, kisi ne pucha itni tension me kyon ho?
Santa: Ek dost ko 3 lac plastic surgery k liye diye the, ab use pehchan nahin pa raha
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
********* THE BEST ONE ! ! ! ! !
Driver: Sir ji, petrol khatam ho gaya , gaadi aage nahi ja sakti.
Banta: Chalo Phir, wapis le chalo.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Santa: Wo dekh teri biwi ko saanp kaat raha hai.
Banta: Are tension mat le, Jeher bharwane aya hoga...
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Banta: Kal Muje 10 logo ne Peeta.
Santa: Phir tune kya kiya?
Banta: Maine kaha salon ek-ek karke aao.
Santa: Phir?
Banta: Phir kya, Salon ne ek-ek karke dubara Peeta !
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Pappu: Ajj madam ne 1 swaal puchhya jisda jawab sirf mainu hi pata si.
Santa: Mera biba beta, ki swaal si?
Pappu: Swaal si k blackboard kol susu kine kita hai?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *********
Inspector to Banta: Faansi se pehle, bata teri antim ichha kya hai?
Banta: Mere pair upar aur sir neeche kar k faansi de do..!
MEN Vs WOMEN
Monday, July 30, 2012
The Silent Treatment...
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM '
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws''
WOMEN'S REVENGE..
'Cash, cheque or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?'
I asked.
'No,' she replied, ' but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN..
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider..
W O R D S..
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men....
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'
CREATION..
A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
' The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me.
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !!!
WHO DOES WHAT..
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.'
The husband said, ' You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says........ ..'HEBREWS'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. .
GOD CREATED MAN THAN HE RESTED, THAN CREATED WOMAN BUT AFTER THAT
NEITHER GOD NOR MAN RSTED.
1 line humor – no fun, its serious
Friday, July 27, 2012
[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cheque.
[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes..
[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!
[28]Faithful husband always goes to heaven but unfaithful husband always enjoys heaven on the earth.
Santa Banta ... Fun continues
Thursday, July 26, 2012
• Santa proposing a girl: Darling kya tum mujse shadi karogi?
Girl: Tameez se baat karo..
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?
• Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya
hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!
• Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched
Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
• Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal
main ye andha hai.
• Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein
chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?
• Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything?
Santa: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!!
• Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates n Me?
Banta: Don't know...
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!
• Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
• Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi
kar Lena ...
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!
• Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.
• Santa bought a car on loan..... He didn't pay the dues, the bank
took away his car
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
• Banta mujra dekhne gaya , sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha or khud nachne laga..
• Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Banta: I'm learning car driving.
Inspector: Without d instructor?
Banta: Correspondence Course!
Girl: Tameez se baat karo..
Santa: Behan ji, kya aap mujhse shaadi karoge?
• Inspector to Santa: Faansi se pehle, bata teri aakhri ichha kya
hai?Santa: Mere pair upar aur sier neeche kar k faansi de do!
• Santa: I tried ur number so many times, it always said 'Switched
Off'!"
Banta: Nooo, it's my HELLO TUNE!
• Beggar: Oh sundari, andha hoon, paanch rupya de de.
Santa to his wife: De de, De de, tujhe sundari bola hai to har haal
main ye andha hai.
• Banta: Jab main paida hua tha to military walon ne 21 topein
chalayeen thi. Santa: Kamaal hai ! Sab ka nishana chook gaya ?
• Q: What do you call a man who can't hear anything?
Santa: Anything you want because he can't hear na!!!
• Santa: What is the similarity between Bill Gates n Me?
Banta: Don't know...
Santa: Well... He never comes to my house & I never go 2 his!
• Girl: Will you love me after marriage also?
Santa: This depends on your husband, if he allows me.
• Santa: Is operation se mujhe kuchh ho gaya to isi doctor se shadi
kar Lena ...
Jeeto: Aise kyo kah rahe ho?
Santa: Doctor se badla Lene ka yehi 1 rasta hai!
• Santa-Bus stand jane k kitne paise?
Rikshawala: 10 Rs
Santa: 2Rs mein chalega to theek hai
Rikshawala: 2Rs mein kaun le k jayega?
Santa: Peeche baith main lekar jata hoon.
• Santa bought a car on loan..... He didn't pay the dues, the bank
took away his car
Santa: If I knew this, I'd have taken a loan for my marriage also!
• Banta mujra dekhne gaya , sari raat mujra dekha.
Bai ne kaha: Sahab humne aap ko khush kiya, ab aap hume khush karo.
Banta utha or khud nachne laga..
• Banta was driving his car in a zigzag fashion on d road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Banta: I'm learning car driving.
Inspector: Without d instructor?
Banta: Correspondence Course!
Serious Jokes--Petrol & Rupee......
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
New Greetings:
May your happiness increase like Petrol Price,
May your sorrow fall like Indian Rupee, and
May joy fill your heart like corruption in India…!!!
Congress is fulfilling its promise, when they said: GDP will rise this year.
The only thing we forgot to ask him its full form:
G= Gas & Gold
D= Diesel & Dollar
P= Petrol & Penny
Pleasure & Pain come at the same price: Rs.80/- for a Beer Bottle OR 1 Litre Petrol.
Decision is yours… झूम लो, या घूम लो.!!!
All Girls’ Dream come True!
All Girls’ Dream-men will come on horse!
All thanks to the Petrol Price Hike!
Dear Father-in-Law,
I deeply regret taking a Car in dowry.
Please take your Daughter or Car back…
I cannot afford both.
Now Tata Nano’s fuel cost will be more than its EMI (Equal Monthly Installments)!
Soon, Rupee will be SENIOR CITIZEN (above Rs.60 per US Dollar);
Petrol has already become VERY SENIOR CITIZEN in Bangalore (Rs.81 per litre) !!!
Finally it has happened…
After decades,
Beer is now cheaper than petrol !!!
Now, there will be new slogan: JUST DRINK; DON’T DRIVE !!!
Expensive petrol will help solve the problem of traffic jams!
Drink and drive should not be a problem now.
After all, how many will be able to afford alcohol and petrol on the same day?
We have the world’s cheapest car and the world’s costliest petrol. रिकॉर्ड बन गया!!!
Sign board at Petrol pump: Buy Petrol worth Rs. 20,000 and get a TATA nano absolutely free.
(scheme for आम आदमी J Now he can get car with petrol!)
Man at Petrol Pump: Full tank कर दो...
Attendant: Sir, PAN Card की copy दो...
Man: What? Why? How?
Attendant: Sir, it’s a HIGH VALUE TRANSACTION !!!
Petrol price hiked by Rs.7.50 per litre…
और करो संता-बंता के jokes!
देखा, सरदार का revenge..!!
Harbhajan to Dhoni: हम तो जानबूझ के मैच हारे है... पता है की जीतनेवाली टीम को Volkswagon मिलने वाली है, और वो petrol की है...!!!
Amitabh Bachchan has decided to take all his payments in Dollars…
Because……….
वो आज भी गिरे हुए पैसे नहीं उठाता...!!!
Dharmendra’s new dialogue:
कुत्ते... कमीने... तेरी गड्डी का पेट्रोल पी जाऊंगा...
Beti: Mom, He is JUST A FRIEND!
Mom: हमने दुनिया देखि है, बेटी... 2 लीटर पेट्रोल जलाके घर आने वाला कभी JUST FRIEND नहीं होता...
Petrol Pump Attendant: कितने का डालूँ?
Grahak: 50 ML गाडी पे स्प्रे कर दे भाई, आग लगानी है...
Dear Rupee,
तुम मेरे प्यार में इतना गिर जाओगे,
ये मैंने सपने में भी नहीं सोचा था...
~तुम्हारा Dollar
रामचंद्र कहे गए सिया से, ऐसा कलयुग आएगा,
कार कैश पे लेगा हर कोई, पेट्रोल लोन से भरवाएगा...!!
Breaking News:Rupee qualifies for the London Olympics. Category - Diving
TYPES OF GIRLS...
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
There are basically 7 TYPES OF GIRLS...
1. HARD DISK Girls:
Remember everything forever.
2. RAM Girls:
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.
3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:
Just for looking.
4. INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.
5. SERVER Girls:
Always busy when needed.
6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.
7. VIRUS Girls :
These type of girls are normally called'WIFE'
once enters in your system don't leave even after format.
Read more...
1. HARD DISK Girls:
Remember everything forever.
2. RAM Girls:
Forgets about you the moment you turn her off.
3. SCREEN SAVER Girls:
Just for looking.
4. INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.
5. SERVER Girls:
Always busy when needed.
6. MULTIMEDIA Girls:
Makes horrible things looks beautiful.
7. VIRUS Girls :
These type of girls are normally called'WIFE'
once enters in your system don't leave even after format.
Acronyms | IT Companies
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Some great standings for great companies
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees
Read more...
1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT
2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output
3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses
4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions
5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems
6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping
7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds
8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines
9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly
10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors
11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings
12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible
13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort
14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers
15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go
17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd.
18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India
19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees
Latest Fake News Headlines
Monday, June 4, 2012
'Rupee fall' is actually a sweet revenge by 'Dollar & Euro' because we made underwear brands out of them.
~~~~@@~~~~~
Breaking News! Shaadi.com CEO commits suicide in shame after learning that in last one month IPL has been able to fix more 'matches' than Shaadi.com. #IPL #PJ
~~~~@@~~~~~
BigB has demanded that all payments to him should be in US$ instead of rupee, "kyunki main aaj bhi gire hue paise nahi uthaata"
~~~~@@~~~~~
Law of Conservation of Love: Love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can only be transfered from one GirlFriend to another GirlFriend with loss of money, time and efforts!
~~~~@@~~~~~
History will say when our GOVT was robbing the country, INDIANS were watching IPL.
~~~~@@~~~~~
Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever hell she wants
~~~~@@~~~~~
Petrol Price Hike Jokes
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Some of the jokes on petrol price hike...at least lets enjoy the jokes if not the hike!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Petrol Pump Attendant : kitne ka daaloon??
Me: 2-4 rupye ka gadi ke upar spray kar de bhai. Aag lagani hai. =)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sony's show"Crime Patrol"is soon to change its name to..
"Crime Diesel"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kal Subah Subah Bank Ja k line me lagna padega!!
Petrol Bharvaane k liye loan chahiye!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Breaking News : Another Rave party was busted by Mumbai Police, many rich people were caught sniffing petrol..LAMO!!! :-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Petrol price hiked by 7.50 per litre.Aur karo Santa Banta ke jokes.Dekha sardar ka revenge!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Petroleum Minister had a sip of thumbs Up and Said..
"Aaj Kuch Toofani Karte Hai"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1 litre petrol= 1 litre beer...Jhumoo ya fir ghumoo d choice is yours
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
one more one more
Harbhajan to Dhoni: Hum to Jaanboojh ke match haare.Pata hai, jeetne waali team ko jo Volkswagen mil raha hai,wo petrol ki hai :-):-D
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finally its gonna be a dream come true for girls :-D
Dreaming for a man to come on.a white horse! ;-)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All thanks to the petrol price hike! ;-):-)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
