Baniya Jokes

Baniye ki wife bimaar thi, light na hone ki wajah se usne mombatti jala di …
Baahar jaate hue bola: Doc ko lene jaa raha hun, agar tumhe lage ki tum nahin bachogi to mombatti bujha dena

 

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Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de

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Baniya 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
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Baniya ne sheikh ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Baniya ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Sheikh:Munna...!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay:)

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Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai,
kya
charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale .
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Baniya ask to Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.

 

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Indian Discovery

After digging to a depth of 100 meters last year, Russian scientists
found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the
conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand
years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug
200 meters and the headlines in the US papers read:
' US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibers, and have
concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital
telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians.'

One week later, Indian daily newspapers reported the following:
*'After digging as deep as 500 meters, Indian scientists have found
absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors
were already using Bluetooth and Wireless technology.** *

*"JAI HO"*

#

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What a Reply....

 

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop; with them are their 8 children… A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk.. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick, that ticking sound is driving me crazy!! The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus! So shut up and keep walking!!!!" Issued in Public Interest by Ministry of Family Welfare...!!!!!!!!!

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Second Opinion ...

Second Opinion!

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. 
 

You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." 
 

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. 
 

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... A new suit." 
 

He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." 
 

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." 
 

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"
 

"Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said. 
 

Joe tried on the suit it fit perfectly. 
 

As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" 
 

Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." 
 

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." 
 

Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" 
 

"Been in the business 60 years."
 

Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. 
 

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" 
 

Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." 
 

The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." 
 

Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." 
 

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." 
 

...

New suit - $400 
New shirt - $36 
New underwear - $6 
Second Opinion - PRICELESS

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The Kissssssssss

One night a guy dropped his girlfriend at her home.
As they were about to wish each other goodnight at the front door, the guy started feeling a little in the mood.
With an air of confidence, he leaned with his hand against the wall and smiling, he said to her "Honey , would you give me a kiss?"
Horrified, she replied, "Are you mad ? My parents will see us!"
"Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asked grinning at her.
"No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"
" Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!".
" No way , it's just too risky!"
"Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?".
"No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!".
"Oh yes you can. Please?"
"No, no. I just can't" "I'm begging you ... "
Out of the blue, the light on the stairs went on, and
The girl's elder sister showed up in her pajamas, hair dishevelled, And in a sleepy voice she said,
"Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss, or I can do it. Or if need Be, mom says she can come down herself and do it, but for God's sake ....


TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HAND OFF THE DOOR BELL... "

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