Jokes

  A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their

  Project

  Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park,

  they

  come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The

  ghost

  says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I

  will

  allow one wish each". So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I

  want

  the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no

  worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone. Now the Senior Software engineer

  could

  not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful

  girls,

  plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff"

  and he was also gone.

  The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the

  office after lunch at 1.30pm"

 

 

  Moral of the story is:

  "Always allow the boss to speak first"

 

 

This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor.


The husband asks, "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"


"Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."


"That's remarkable" the husband replies, "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

 

 

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:

 

"The parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".

 

"Why, does the parrot cost so much" asks the first man.

 

The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".

 

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one cost 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

 

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question

 

"What can it do?"

 

To which the owner replies "To be honest, I have never seen it do a thing but the other two call him boss!”

 

 

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Overconfidence !!!

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,

"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."

"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"


With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

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Equations....

3 powerful equations,
2 extremely powerful postulates
1 powerful email, containing it all !
 
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
 
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
 
Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
 
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
 
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
 
Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money
Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys
 
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====
 
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
 
Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend
 
Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys
 
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
 
To Conclude:
 
From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.
 
So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
 
And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
 
So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money
 
Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

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Cost cutting!!!

Cost cutting!!!

 

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Matrimonial Ad

Now that I have seen almost 20 years of my life and most of it without anyone who I could in the true sense call as a friend.....I have been thinking now for a while as to how my spouse oughta be............


# # # # I am not looking for only a beautiful, slim and an intelligent girl.......They are all cliché The ones that matter are:


* The first prerequisite I expect of my wife --- no it isn't the ability to understand me, that's the second---- the first one's a sense of humour for me and all my nonsense

* She must sleep in my lap and allow me into hers. She must run her hand into my hair and fight me with pillows as often as she can.


* She must allow me to disturb her, Which I will, ---no matter how busy and serious she is and I am--- , while she goes about our household chores.


* She must sit with me shoulder in shoulder when we watch the late night movie together and must oblige to have a midnight walk anytime in the night.


* When the curry isn't nice and I stare into her eyes, she must straight away go and make an omlette for me.


* When she is downright tired she must flirt with me to win a cup of tea or a glass of cold water. She must be ready to blow a kiss any time any day and any place.

* She should call me nicknames and how innovative she coins out new ones the better and must be prepared to confront some deadly ones in return. She can call me 'Tu'  or anything as am not at all particular about those pronouns.


* She got every right to beat me up when I annoy her while she watches those dready serials. She can also extract what she wants of me on women's day. And I am also ready to share her pre-marital crushes and secrets.


* On those rare occasions when we might fight and then go on a mourning spree, it can continue for the night. The next morning must again be normal.


* I aint promising her a paradise but yes she will always get more of my love than our children.

* And finally, she must have a higher life expectancy than me. I may not be able to live without her.....

 

 

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