The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'
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Q: What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
A: The ones in the casinos are serious
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When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
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Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed.
The case was closed for lack of evidence.
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A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
His father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine."
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The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong
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Sunny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Sunny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
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